beaten, but not brought down...helpless and yet still hopeful

I am glad to have been back home from the hospital for the last few days. I made through a full day by myself with the boys yesterday, which is a big accomplishment for me when I am just days out from hospitalization...we have to take joy in those little victories!

I have to admit it was a frustrating feeling to be back in a hospital bed after my longest stretch at home in 3 years(almost 3 months...little victories, people). It was a pretty uneventful stay...they mostly treated my acute symptoms(the usual-horrific pain accompanied by what is probably horrific throwing up to most people-I am not very phased by puke anymore...sorry, it's gross but true) and then they laid low so as not to "provoke the beast", if you will(the beast better known as my digestive system, in case you aren't familiar). The biggest question mark still seems to be what it is that triggers these flare ups...we still don't know and don't know if we ever will...I had an appointment with my internist today(a man who deserves a whole post of his own...he is one of the smartest doctors I have ever known and one of the most compassionate human beings I have ever known...which you may not know is NOT always the case...in fact, not usually the case). He always reassures me and advocates for me and we say many prayers of thanksgiving for him all the time.

So while it seems that this rollercoaster ride has not come to an end as we hoped...it is still moving more slowly. We had been warned to be "cautiously optimistic" by my docs, and the week leading up to this last episode, I knew I was going down a familiar road...I do know my body pretty well by now. While it was discouraging...we continue to be touched by the sweetness of our God and how much better things have gotten. Never far from our minds is just how far we have been carried. And while it seems that we are still on this crazy ride...one that we know we may actually face for the rest of our life...one thing that has never changed is the amazing grace we have felt... from the Lord in His provision and protection, as well as the community He has surrounded us with in those deepest darkest parts of the valleys...we look forward to those little mountaintops as we press on in the journey towards that day when this pain will be gone for good...and we praise God for the people that He has placed in our path to help temper that pain with joy.

It's me...Mimi

September 18 may not seem like very long ago to you, but we sure have enjoyed some good days since then. That is when Christine had her endoscopic ultrasound where they found stones in her pancreatic duct. It hasn't been totally smooth sailing since then, but it has been better. More good days than bad days. She was taking care of her family, doing all the things she had missed so much. Jack and Sam really had no interest in coming to Mimi's or Giggi's house much. And you know, that was ok with us!!! She was able to enjoy Thanksgiving at our house and the holidays with the Pinsons in Smithville with Giggi's family. She has been singing again at church - amazing that through all her trials, God has protected that precious voice!

She enjoyed date night with some sweet friends on Friday night, even though she wasn't feeling great. And, we enjoyed some wonderful time with those boys! But, later in the night, she became quite ill and just couldn't get it under control. As per the doctor's instructions, Matt took her directly back to the Medical School and they admitted her and got her on fluids and are trying to control her pain. The doctor came in today - they will let her rest a couple of days and try to get the nausea and pain under control and then decide what to do.

I don't say it all as eloquently as Tine does, but I hope this kind of explains what is going on with her right now. I will keep you updated here and via Facebook. For now, will you please pray for her right now...that God will give her relief. Will you pray for Matt's safety as he drives there to see her? And will you pray for Jack and Sam that they will continue to be the brave little boys Matt and Christine are raising them to be. Jack told me last night..."don't worry, Mimi. Don't you know that God will make Mommy well?" He even asked me if I wanted to read him the Bible instead of a story book at bedtime. His precious prayer was simple..."God, it's me....Jack. My mommy is in the new new hospital and she was crying. I know you will make her better. And help Sam too."

Blessings...