Friday, January 21, 2005

a parent's love...indescribable

Got to spend Monday and Tuesday up at the was good to be with Jenna and to see the Cope's. The boys are doing better, but do have quite a long road ahead. I can't imagine how very long it must be in the eyes of a 12 year old especially. I pray that the Lord continues to give them strength and peace. Jack is starting to feel better. In light of all that has been happening, I have realized how very true it is that your whole perspective changes when you have children. All of a sudden, anything that happens to any child, you imagine that being your child. I wanted to protect Jack and take away his virus last week...I cannot imagine the helpless feeling of a parent watching their child lie in ICU, or in a casket.
It took me back to 6 years ago, when I, as an 18 year laid in a hospital bed at the North Texas Hospital for Children at Medical City Dallas for 6 months. I have always been grateful for the sacrifices that my parents made for me, and for my mom sitting at my bedside every single day and night from October of 1998 until March of 1999. But it has been given a whole new meaning to me that I don't think I can even put into words. I am so very grateful for the second chance that God gave me at life, and I will never ever take for granted or second guess the love of a parent again.
It terrifies me to raise a child in the world that we live in. I just want to hold him and protect him, but I know that I must trust in the Lord to hold my child in HIS arms. And I must spend every day on my knees praying that he will choose to let those strong arms hold him always. I am going to include a comment that I made on Mike Cope's blog last week, because it becomes even more relevant now. As I think of all that has happened to these sweet children from Highland, I know more than ever how important it is to show our children each day how very much they are loved.

I am a 24 year old who spent much of my teenage years struggling with bulimia and then anorexia. Being a parent now, I realize even more the fear that my own parents must have felt as they watched me lie in a hospital bed learning how to eat as an 18 year old.
One thing that I would point out about eating disorders specifically is that so much of the disorder, while it is based in physical appearance and body much of it really has to do with control. In my own personal experience, I felt that I could control nothing in my life. I had found a way to stay skinny by throwing up after each meal, and then people found out what was going on and began to follow me to the bathroom. So I decided, fine, I just won't eat. No one can MAKE me eat. I was in a total state of rebellion and self-destruction. I felt that this was the one area of my life that I was in which I had complete control. This was obviously proved wrong when I was admitted to the hospital after my 85 pound body collapsed with no one else at home but my terrified 13 year old brother.

I have wonderful parents who stood by me each baby step of the way. They loved me unconditionally, but refused to let me throw my life away. They helped me to learn that being in control of my life was not my job. And that no matter how "in control" I might have felt, God's plans are always bigger than our own. How thankful I am now to be free of the bondage and pressure of feeling like I needed to do God's job!

I am now the mother of a beautiful 5 month old who is a physical reminder every day to me of God's love. He has given me a whole new picture of the cross. It terrifies me to raise a child in this world, but I know, once again...I AM NOT IN CONTROL.

It is an unfortunate reality that children and teens are going to struggle with self-image. It is also a reality that this struggle does not magically disappear when we become adults. I think that there it is so important to take an active role in our children's lives; to remind them that they are not only our children but that they are first God's children and that He loves them and has a plan for them. They should be told how beautiful and special they are, every single day. Even more, we should live our lives reflecting that love and submitting control to God.

I do believe that parents need to talk to their children; to know what struggles they face. But the most effective thing that can be done is something that I am so thankful that my parents did for me. They lived as examples of Christ's love and devoted their lives to serving Him. They did not escape heartache, but always submitted control of the hard times to His will and plan. Thanks to their love and their faith in the Lord, I was delivered from the disease that enslaved me and given the chance to start a new life that was lived in the realization of the blessing of being out of control. I am not perfect and never will be...but I am free.

I still struggle in other ways with the attempt to control things in my life. I worry about things that are not important like keeping my house spotless. I am still young and have so much to learn. I have been introduced to the responsibility for another human life, and appreciate all the more all of the sacrifices that my parents made and all of the prayers that they said. I am by no means an expert in parenting and do not attempt to give advice to people that have much more experience than I do. I just wanted to share the blessing that it was for me to have godly parents striving to do exactly what so many of us are .

I only hope that I can live my own life in a way that points my son toward the cross. It is my prayer that as my child grows, he will be more familiar with my head bowed in prayer than with my obsessive need to get the laundry done.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

please pray

We pray for the Cope family and especially for sweet Christopher. We also pray for the Folwell, Lemmons and Bennett families. We grieve with the Bourland family in their loss and pray God's peace over their spirits. May angels surround them all tonight.

You can follow my links to Mike Cope's blog for more information and updates. There is also information on BST's blog and Val Durrington's blog which is

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Happy Birthday Dad

I have to post twice today, because I also want to say Happy Birthday to my sweet dad.

Today my dad is 60 years old. He has lived an amazing life, and has given so much to so many people. He is one of the most loving, unselfish people I have ever known, and I will never be able to say thank you enough for the love he has given me, the example of his life, the sacrifices he has made. He has given us a heritage of faith and has always put his family first. He never thinks twice about giving. Through all he has been through medically, it has been clear that God wanted to keep him here and that he had more for him to do...we are so thankful for that and for the life that you have lived, Dad and we look forward to many more memories.

I am so thankful to be able to pass on his heritage to my baby, and I hope that each time my little boy writes his name, he will think of his Poppy and the wonderful man that he is.

So, happy birthday, Roy Franklin Tyndall. I hope you know that we all love you very much, especially Jack Franklin Pinson.

a prayer for my baby boy

It never gets old to witness someone put on Christ in baptism. It never fails to put a lump in my throat as I watch someone make that life changing decision; as they proclaim Christ boldly before their new brothers and sisters.

Last night we performed the first half of "The Bema". There was a wonderful response and I can't wait until next week when we do the second half. We performed it in October on a weekend in the youth center, and I am so thankful that God opened the door for the whole congregation to see this life-changing drama.

After service, a young girl was baptized. Once again I sat there with a lump in my throat, along with the feeling that has become very familiar to me ever since July 28, 2004. You see that is the day that my precious son was born. Ever since that day, when I see someone baptized, especially a child, all I can think of is Jack. I am reminded of the day that I was baptized, a young girl who could barely see over the baptistry. Last night as I watched that little girl who was also too tiny to be seen except on the screen above, I was moved by that image of a little child coming to Jesus. But what was most powerful was the conviction with which she made her confession. As always, it brought me to tears and was a reminder of the bold and unwavering faith that God calls us to.

In that moment, I thought of my tiny baby boy and the day that he would make that same decision. I am a new parent, and I have already realized the great honor and responsibility we have to pray for our children. I believe it is important to pray for every aspect of their life of course. Their health, their happiness, their mate (should God's will be for them to be married).
But the most important thing we can pray for our children, every single day, is that they will give their lives to Christ; that they will make the choice for Him to be the Lord of their life, and will spend their lives seeking His will and doing all for His glory.

Today, my prayer is for my son, and I wanted to write it down so that I could share it with Him each day of his life.

My sweet Baby Jack,
I love you so much and I am so thankful that God made you my son. Out of all the angels in heaven, he sent us such a special one and I pray that each day of your life you know just how much your daddy and I love you and thank God for you. Although our love for you is so deep, it can never even compare to the awesome love that God has for you. We will fail you sometimes because we are imperfect. The only thing that keeps us going is the love and grace of God, which is completely perfect. God's love saved us from our sin and renews us each day even when we continue to fall. The Bible tells us that one day every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. God gives us the amazing blessing to choose to do that now! Our prayer for you is that you will seek the Lord and that one day, when you are ready, you will choose to give your life to Him. God loves you so much. He created you to be a beautiful person and you will always be His child. We are so thankful that He has let you also be our child. We love you and pray for you each day. We pray that you will love the Lord and that you will one day choose to put Him on in baptism and confess His name outloud. Until that day comes, we will never cease to pray that we will live our own lives in a way that leads you towards the cross and to that choice. We count it an amazing blessing to be your parents and we will always be here to pray for you and with you. Know that we love you and are so very proud of you.
Love, Mommy and Daddy

I cannot imagine the great joy that I will feel on the day that Jack is baptized. I know that the road leading up to that day will be full of opportunities for me to share God's love with my child, and I pray that I will take hold of those. I pray that I will always live my own life in a way that shows Him a physical reminder of the love of Christ.

I know I have a great responsibility in getting him to that day.

And then, once that day comes...the real journey will begin!

Tuesday, January 04, 2005


I resolve to have a broken heart.

Not a line you hear every day, I know...but bear with me. It seems that I have so desensitized myself to the evil and broken world that we live in that I can watch the news and think, "That is so sad", but then I go on with my day and often give no more thought to the horrific pain, suffering, and sin that exists all around me.

I have many "resolutions" this year, as usual...lose the baby weight, read more, drink more water,begin my graduate studies and work towards my job goals...blah, blah, blah...WHO CARES? If I am not making it my business, my priority, my LIFE to glorify the Lord, then my life is worthless. Rick spoke Sunday about boldness, about truly living Paul's words that, "to live is Christ". He made the point that yes, life is hard and we will fail...but JESUS IS LORD, and there is no mistake that we can make that will keep God from being glorified if we make that our priority.

In 2004, my life was definitely changed. I was introduced to the responsibility for another human life, and to a love that is greater than any I have ever known before. But in the midst of all this, I fear I have become even more self-centered. I love my baby boy, and I know that God wants me to do all I can do to be a good mommy, a good role model and disciple to him. But I know that even that is not my greatest responsibility in this life.


Christ's heart is broken at the sight of our sin. It is broken at the sight of all who are lost and are not being reached out to. His heart is broken for the people of Asia, the people of Africa and Iraq, and for the person next door to us that we have not shared His love with.

My prayer tonight for this new year is that my heart would be broken for the things that break my Lord's heart. My prayer is that I will live boldly; that I will not live my life safely, but in a manner that drives fear into the heart of the evil that lurks outside my door. My prayer is that God will break my heart. That He will break my heart and fill it with His love, His heart, and His will alone.

If I can truly take my focus off of me and put it onto Christ and His children, then maybe I can finally wrap my head and heart around the amazing promise contained in the second half of the verse...TO DIE IS GAIN.

The best is yet to come.