to my sweet baby Jack

I cannot even believe that today you are one year old. It is amazing how quickly time has gone by, and yet how it also feels like you have been with me forever. You have changed so much in this last year. You are getting so big, and it is so exciting to watch you explore and discover new things.
A year ago today was an exciting and scary time. You were coming four and a half weeks early and we were so scared about whether or not you would be alright. But the Lord was so faithful and at 5:00 am on Wednesday, July 28, after two early labors being stopped, weeks of bedrest, and 4 days of labor, he gave you to us--a healthy, perfect, tiny baby boy. I will never forget the moment that they handed you to me and I held you in my arms. You didn't even cry...you were so peaceful, looking up at me with those big blue eyes wide open, as if you were just taking it all in. That moment was the greatest miracle I have ever been a part of. After 9 months of a rough pregnancy, worrying about you and about my own weaknesses, we were given an indescribable gift of peace. We learned alot about God's provision and were reminded that God does not call us to a spirit of fear, but of hope. I have been reminded of that lesson many times already in your first year of life as I think upon my great responsibility to raise you to look like Jesus in a world that does not look at Him at all. It has been truly amazing how many lessons you have taught us in this past year, Jack. I have been reintroduced to the cross in a whole new way by looking at you and loving you so much--and thinking about how much greater God's love must be to have given His perfect baby boy up for this world. Thank you for teaching me more about God's love.
Thank you, also, for your amazing spirit. It is so much fun to watch as your little personality develops. You are intelligent and so funny. It is so special to watch as you thoughtfully play with your toys and figure out each little detail. You have kept me on my toes, as I pull you away from the things that catch your eyes the most...ie. remote controls, computers, electrical cords, telephones, the list could go on...I adore your sweet little voice, the hilarious faces and noises you make, the way you can't help dancing when you hear music, and that laugh that is infectious. I am so thankful that you already have a love for music and for reading, and no one cuddles better than you. You are an active little boy, always on the go. You have changed from that little string bean 4 pound peanut to a cuddly, chubby, and unmistakeably adorable bundle of energy that I am totally in love with. You have deepened the love that your daddy and I have for each other as we marvel at the blessing and responsibility that God has given to us through you.You have taught your neat freak mommy to loosen up a bit, and I know that will only grow as I continue to experience the joys of having a little boy. I don't look forward to the bumps and bruises, but I hope you know that I will always hold you when you hurt. There have been times that I have held you and felt helpless myself, wondering how in the world I am capable, but then I can have peace in knowing that while I hold you, someone much greater is always holding us both.

There is a song that I sing to you each night as I rock you in your room. It is a song that was recorded by ZOE, one of our favorite groups to listen to together. I changed the words a bit the first time I sang them to you from "I" to "You", and each night since, they have been a prayer that I sing over you--praying that you would know how deeply you are known and loved by God. Here are the words...

You have a maker;
He formed your heart.
Before even time began,
your life was in His hands.
He knows your name.
He knows your every thought.
He sees each tear that falls,
and he hears you when you call.
You have a father;
He calls you his own.
He'll never leave you,
no matter where you go.
He knows your name.
He knows your every thought.
He sees each tear that falls,
and he hears you when you call.

My precious baby boy, I pray that you will always know how much you are loved by your daddy and me. We are so thankful to have you in our lives. This first year of your life has been the greatest learning experience, joy, and blessing of my life. I pray that even more than our love, you will know the love of God that will never fail you. I am so thankful that He allowed me to be your mommy. You are mine for awhile, but you are His for all time. While you are here, I will always be so very thankful and proud to hear you call me mama. I look forward to many more years blessed by your sweet presence.

Happy birthday, sweet baby Jack--I love you ten thousand miles high