just an update

I promise that I am going to post some pictures of my sweet boys soon...For some reason I am having trouble posting pictures here and on facebook...very frustrating.

But I just wanted to say that, yes, I am still here. I am still trying to make it through each day, and am very grateful to still be at home and not back in the hospital. I have very good days, and there are still some very bad days. I am not at all complaining, just hoping to clarify because I know it can get confusing. We did have a great breakthrough with the surgery that they were able to do during my last hospital stay; my doctor thinks its been one of the biggest breakthroughs we have had. But I am still dealing with the other issues that have been there this whole time. They have not gone away. Rather than being like a key and a lock, my health is more like a big puzzle, with several pieces. We have several of those pieces...some things have been treated, some require ongoing treatement, and some we just don't know how to treat so we learn how to manage instead. While they found the stones and removed those, and have done two surgeries to open up my bile ducts, I still deal with the pancreatitis, gastroparesis, abnormal liver function, and adhesions from all my scar tissue. My doctor has been very sure to remind me of this. He says that I am not cured, but stable. And we want to keep it that way as long as is possible. I still have to be very careful...with what I eat, with how much I exert myself...but I am also still trying to push myself. But I am also still praying every single day for complete and total healing. No matter what the Lord's answer, I am grateful for each good day that He gives me. On some days there might only be good moments...and I am grateful for those too.

Like I have said before, I know that God owes me absolutely nothing...and I have already been blessed beyond what I could imagine. He has carried us through so much, and has given us new eyes to see and a new peace with whatever our circumstances. I hope this doesn't sound negative...and I hope this doesn't discourage anyone...because prayers have been answered...we have been given more answers than we had before. And I am learning how to better manage my other ongoing health issues, so that I can have a better quality of life. Does this mean I will never be in the hospital again? I don't know...I hope so, but I don't know. But I have learned to be grateful for today...to rejoice in the moment and to delight in the small things. And that has made a huge difference in my life.

I am so thankful to be at home with my boys and to be doing more and more things that feel...normal. It has been good to see friends that I haven't see in so long...friends that have been such a great support for me and for my family. I can't say it enough that we would not be making it through all of this without the wonderful community of friends and family that surrounds us. We have been so blessed by the prayers of so many, and we continue to ask for prayers for healing and for peace with whatever God's will is as far as my health. Sometimes it feels selfish to continue to ask for prayers, when people have been praying for so long and when others around us that we love are also going through very hard things. But I know that is silly, because we serve a God who is big enough for all of it, and who longs for us to cry out to Him. So we will cry out. No matter what happens, we have grown closer as a family and closer to the God who gives us new life every day. We have new appreciation for the verse that tells us His mercies are new every morning. I just try to keep my eyes and heart open and then, even on the darkest of days, I can still see blessing and still feel His presence.

I'll leave you with another verse that I have known all my life; that has taken on a whole new personal meaning for me. While I can't say I have perfected this, I am getting better at being content, and relying on God for my strength to get through each day. After all, when I am weak, He is strong. And He is always faithful...no matter how hard the day is...it will come to an end...and I CAN get through it...because my strength doesn't depend on whether I am sick or well...

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.~Philippians 4:12-13