cool video

this documentary looks really cool...what a neat idea...i'm looking forward to seeing it, for sure...click the blog post title to watch the trailer...

services for dad

Services for dad are on Wednesday at 11:30 at Richland Hills Church of Christ, with the graveside service at 2 pm at the Dallas/Fort Worth National Cemetery...you can read his obituary here.
thank you so much for all the love and prayers...we miss him so...

daddy

I ask that you please please please continue to pray for my dad...for my mom; for all of us...

Dad has been in the hospital since last night with alot of things going on. He came home with respiratory distress, and within a few minutes my mom was putting him in the car to drive him to the ER at HEB...Within just a few seconds, he knew he was in trouble so they stopped at the firestation right by their house. They were able to get him into an ambulance and start working on him and decided to take him to North Hills because they didn't know that they could make it to HEB. They told us at the hospital that mom did the exact right thing stopping at the firehouse, because they wouldn't have made it to the ER before he would have passed out and really been in trouble. They got him into the trauma room and on the CPAP machine. They were able to get his heart rate and blood pressure down somewhat, but he was having so much trouble breathing and obviously with all of his heart trouble they wanted to be very thorough.
As of right now, they have both his cardiologist and a pulmonologist working with him to try and figure out exactly what is going on; what is the root of it all. They believe he is in the midst of yet a veryr serious heart attack, along with congestive heart failure, pneumonia, some liver issues, and crazy high blood sugar. He has always tested negative for diabetes, but his mother did have it so that is a possibility...there is also a possibility that it is a result of the stress of all of this going on at once.

It's alot going on, and last night was very scary. But, as always, dad is so tough...and, of course, he is cracking jokes...and mom, as always, is steadfast and strong. Dad has been through so much, especially with his heart. He works so hard and I know his body has got to be so tired...we are just thankful that the Lord has, once again, kept him here with us through so much. I am just so thankful that they made the decision to go when they did, and that mom stopped at the fire station. Lots of angels watching over us. Not to mention the sweet secretary at his job that went out of her way a few weeks ago to help make sure that my parents still have health insurance even though my mom is in between jobs right now. I can't even imagine what we would have done without that.

They decided to do a heart cath today...they were about to do a scan of his kidneys, but because his enzyme numbers were so high, they decided that the heart cath was more important...they said it was risky, but would be worse if we waited and any more damage was done to dad's already very weak heart. He just got out not too long ago and they told us that he needs another bypass surgery...this will be his 2nd...he has basically only had one small area of the lower left chamber of his heart functioning for many years now...but after the cath today, they said that that area on the lower left is functioning at no more than 20%...and that the two main arteries controlling blood flow are blocked. It is risky to do this surgery, with all the other things going on with his kidneys and such...but obviously, it is much riskier not to do the surgery and completely lose blood flow to his heart. Needless to say...we are scared...but we are also hopeful and have total faith in our Heavenly Father...we beg you for your prayers...please pray for God's healing hand...for the doctors who will perform this surgery...for a miracle...please...

My parents have just been enduring alot of pain and stress lately, and I just continue to pray, and ask that you would join me in that prayer, for peace to just surround them in everything. They have always been such amazing examples of enduring; of surviving...and not just getting through, but pushing through with hope...they don't just look at the pouring rain and think about the rainbow that WILL come...but they can truly trace the rainbow through the rain. I am so proud that they are my parents.


Please please please continue to pray for my sweet daddy...i know he is weary.

you have to be carefully taught

This video made me think of these lyrics from South Pacific...

You've got to be taught to hate and fear,
You've got to be taught from year to year.
It's got to be drummed in your dear little ear;
You've got to be carefully taught.

You've got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a different shade;
You've got to be carefully taught.

You've got to be taught before it's too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight.
To hate all the people your relatives hate,
You've got to be carefully taught


I could also add these from Into the Woods...

Careful the things you say, children will listen.
Careful the things you do, children will see and learn.
Children may not obey, but children will listen.
Children will look to you for which way to turn;
To learn what to be
Careful before you say, "Listen to me"
Children will listen.


.truth from the pens of Rodgers and Hammerstein/Sondheim long ago...and truth today from the mouths of babes...It really doesn't matter what your political ideology is...little Terrence has the right idea.

And no...I don't get all of my wisdom from musicals...but there can be quite a bit to be had there...these particular lyric choices may also have something to do with the fact that I can't sleep, so I'm up listening to music and Mandy Patinkin just rolled through the shuffle... :)

random updates...and an important request

well...it's been awhile...things have actually been going pretty well...it has been almost 6 weeks since i was last in the hospital, which is HUGE since over the last two and a half years i have been in at least once a month...maybe may will be the first month we get all the way through...let's pray for that one!

we just enjoyed an AMAZING trip to the beach with our sweet friends, the Critz fam...LOTS of PRECIOUS memories made...our kids all love each other...we love each other...and our oldest boys are pretty much inseparable...the trip would have been great no matter what, but in light of the fact that they are going to be moving to Austin soon...it was made extra sweet...it was such a great time to just get away and relax...to be together...to not worry about hospitals and illness for awhile...the weather was perfect and the crowds were low...perfect time of year to do it...we stayed at the Sandestin resort and it was BEAUTIFUL! i could write a novel with all the details of what we did...but i don't want to do that to anyone...i will just say again that it was an amazing time...we are so thankful for our friendship with this family and continue to be amazed at the way that God places just the right people in our lives at just the right time...it is just about the most precious thing to watch Jack and John(their oldest son) having so much fun together...they were just beside themselves with excitement! of course, we had moments of craziness, traveling that far with 5 young children...but that craziness was far outweighed by the blessings of fellowship, refocusing, relaxing...etc, etc, etc...

I'm going to post pics from the beach soon...but can't right now because for some reason my computer saved all of them too small and it's hard to really see our faces in alot of them...I spent over an hour uploading a ton of them onto my facebook and then realized that! so...i'm working on that...

here's a couple that are pretty cute...and they will be cuter when you can make out the faces better!





not too much else going on...i'm ready to go back to the beach anytime!
been doing alot of songwriting for the cd i'm working on...still having good days and bad days with my health...but still determined and hopeful...and BELIEVING that God is in control...i've been back at church, helping to lead worship and has been so great to be back on a regular basis...i hope that it continues that way...i'm still cautious and try not to completely wear my body down...but i also continue to try and push myself in hopes of becoming stronger and stronger everyday...

can't wait for some lazy days of summer with my boys...they both have birthdays coming up...not doing so well thinking about those...matt and i also have summer birthdays and our anniversary...so summer is always like one big party...last year, we had Sam's first birthday in a hospital room...i'm determined for that NOT to happen again...Jack is going to be 5 and mommy is going to be a wreck on that day! it just sounds so OLD...and he is looking older every day...it's crazy...but i couldn't be prouder of him...both of my boys are just precious treasures...they bring me so much joy...and i continue to be in awe of the man that i have been blessed with in matt...i can't imagine walking this road with anyone else...

***************************************************************************************
Just one more thing...but it is IMPORTANT! My sweet Aunt Donna, from Tennessee, is traveling to China this summer with a team from her church, led by Mary Beth Chapman(she is Steven Curtis Chapman's wife)...they are going to Maria's house...an orphanage named in honor of one of their adopted daughters who passed away in an accident...they will be working on the building, landscaping, rocking and loving on babies...striving to be the hands and feet of Jesus to the people they come in contact with...
most of my readers know my mom...and you know how selfless, loving and giving she is...how hard she works to do for others...how much she wants to help people...and the countless people she has touched...my Aunt Donna is the same way...right now, she is on a mission to collect money prior to the trip, in order to buy the special formula necessary for these hungry orphans they will be going to visit...i know, from the experience of having two preemies and one who spent a long time in the NICU, that this formula is EXPENSIVE...we're talking $500 for one case...it is vital to these precious babies' survival...My mom has gotten in on the effort at RHCC to try and help out...this has been a great teaching experience for my boys as well...my mom took alot of bottles and has them available so that our kids can collect their change for Maria's Milk Money...my boys have almost filled up their bottle and are so excited...i think we're ready to work on filling a whole gallon container maybe!

I would encourage you to visit http://www/showhope.org and learn more about how you can help in this effort...i know that you are able to donate online to help the organization in general, but in order to make sure your money goes directly to buy the formula, they ask that you write a check made out to "Show Hope", with "Maria's Big House formula" in the memo line...my aunt is also updating on her facebook page about the efforts...she is open to any creative suggestions anyone might have to make this endeavor a huge success...here's the link to her page...
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=54602082&ref=name#/profile.php?id=1442979422&ref=mf

Most of my readers are mommies...I hope that this tugs at your heartstrings...it breaks my heart that these children are suffering...in such a wealthy country no less...i know that you all have big hearts, and i hope that you will think about helping out in this effort...whatever you can do...and for sure, be praying for this trip...that lives will be touched in the name of Jesus...this is what it is really all about...

Desert Song

I promise an actual post is coming...I know this technically doesn't count as my own original thought...but for now, it's the best I can come up with...I have definitely felt like I have been in the desert for awhile now...People I love are hurting and my own illness seems to be rearing its ugly head quite often as of late...and we are tired, so tired...a couple of weeks ago, Matt and I were prayed over by several people during a prayer service at church...it was specifically geared towards people who were suffering with illness or grief...sometimes I feel like we have worn people out of praying for us...I am so thankful that people continue to pray though...that night was powerful for Matt and me, because my illness continues to be a daily battle, frustrating to my doctors and to me...I long to be a better wife and mother...I long to be more than my energy and health will allow right now, and it just feels like we have been in this valley for so long...we have experienced so much blessing along the way also, and that is never far from our minds...I have the most amazing family, wonderful friends, and a husband who daily lives out his vows to me...I am constantly reminded that God gave me the exact right man to share my life with...He has strength for both of us when I am feeling weak and he takes on so much more than he should have to without ever complaining...we have certainly seen God shower us with many blessings throughout the last few years...I have definitely come to know God in an intimate way that would not have been possible without all of those hours spent in His throne room, begging Him for healing and for grace to endure...we know that God is shaping us through all of this...but oh, how we pray for a new quality of life...Suzy Jeffrey put it so well in her prayer over us that we just "long for a new direction...we feel like we have been on this road and we have seen this scenery before and we beg for something new"...we continue to take things one day at a time...not really another way to take it anyway...i have been back in the hospital in both January and February...so right now our goal is to get through March...baby steps...

And amidst all this...people that I love are hurting also...I feel like it is definitely my turn to take care of someone instead being taken care of, and it can get frustrating to not be able to physically do all that I wish I could...but I do have many quiet moments with the Lord, and many prayers are being said for others who I know are experiencing the desert right now...

I love this song because it is real and raw and speaks directly to my heart...I hope it can speak to your heart also...Obviously music is a huge part of my life...my mom recently mentioned how God has been so sweet in protecting my voice...I have always feared losing it as a result of so much damage to my esophagus and throat because of how much i throw up(sorry if that's TMI, but most of my readers are mommies and a little throw up doesn't phase us!)...and although I haven't been able to lead worship at church as much as I have in the past, I look so forward to those days when I get to...and somehow God gives me the strength to sing...and I think He is showing me in those moments that He still desires and deserves all of my praise...He has been so good to me...He has put a song in my heart and I refuse to let it be silenced...and in these past years that have been some of my hardest, He deserves more praise than ever...because as hard as it has been at times, HE HAS NEVER LEFT MY SIDE...I praise GOD that HE gave me a voice and a reason to sing...and I will still praise HIM, no matter what my circumstances, because even in my brokenness HE can be glorified...it is HIM who fills me up and helps me put one foot in front of the other...it is HIS SPIRIT that allows me to sing praise amidst my questions and fears...because no matter what trials we are facing, GOD IS ON HIS THRONE...what a blessing it is to SING PRAISE TO OUR GREAT GOD!

Music can speak so deeply to our souls, and this song has really been my anthem as of late...I have been singing it over and over again, reminding myself that amidst physical, emotional, mental and spiritual pain...my own and that of those that I love...I HAVE A REASON TO WORSHIP!

There have been many days when I do feel completely empty and dry...when I don't even feel like singing...but I HAVE A REASON TO SING...I refuse to let Satan take one single ounce of glory from my weakness...instead, I will trust in the POWER that is MADE PERFECT in that weakness...every blessing that the Lord pours out I will turn back to praise...because MY GOD is the GOD WHO PROVIDES...and in every season of life...HE IS GOD and HE IS MY VICTORY...this is only a season, and I refuse to take my eyes off of the one who can shape me through the fire...I will continue to pray for total healing...but until that day...I WILL BRING PRAISE...


This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames


I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here


And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand



ALL OF MY LIFE
IN EVERY SEASON
YOU ARE STILL GOD
I HAVE A REASON TO SING
I HAVE A REASON TO WORSHIP


ALL OF MY LIFE
IN EVERY SEASON
YOU ARE STILL GOD
I HAVE A REASON TO SING
I HAVE A REASON TO WORSHIP

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here


This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

("Desert Song", Hillsong)

Here is a video of the song, it includes a powerful testimony by one of the vocalists, and then plays the whole song...I pray that it blesses you today...no matter what desert we may be walking through...WE HAVE A REASON TO WORSHIP!

beaten, but not brought down...helpless and yet still hopeful

I am glad to have been back home from the hospital for the last few days. I made through a full day by myself with the boys yesterday, which is a big accomplishment for me when I am just days out from hospitalization...we have to take joy in those little victories!

I have to admit it was a frustrating feeling to be back in a hospital bed after my longest stretch at home in 3 years(almost 3 months...little victories, people). It was a pretty uneventful stay...they mostly treated my acute symptoms(the usual-horrific pain accompanied by what is probably horrific throwing up to most people-I am not very phased by puke anymore...sorry, it's gross but true) and then they laid low so as not to "provoke the beast", if you will(the beast better known as my digestive system, in case you aren't familiar). The biggest question mark still seems to be what it is that triggers these flare ups...we still don't know and don't know if we ever will...I had an appointment with my internist today(a man who deserves a whole post of his own...he is one of the smartest doctors I have ever known and one of the most compassionate human beings I have ever known...which you may not know is NOT always the case...in fact, not usually the case). He always reassures me and advocates for me and we say many prayers of thanksgiving for him all the time.

So while it seems that this rollercoaster ride has not come to an end as we hoped...it is still moving more slowly. We had been warned to be "cautiously optimistic" by my docs, and the week leading up to this last episode, I knew I was going down a familiar road...I do know my body pretty well by now. While it was discouraging...we continue to be touched by the sweetness of our God and how much better things have gotten. Never far from our minds is just how far we have been carried. And while it seems that we are still on this crazy ride...one that we know we may actually face for the rest of our life...one thing that has never changed is the amazing grace we have felt... from the Lord in His provision and protection, as well as the community He has surrounded us with in those deepest darkest parts of the valleys...we look forward to those little mountaintops as we press on in the journey towards that day when this pain will be gone for good...and we praise God for the people that He has placed in our path to help temper that pain with joy.

It's me...Mimi

September 18 may not seem like very long ago to you, but we sure have enjoyed some good days since then. That is when Christine had her endoscopic ultrasound where they found stones in her pancreatic duct. It hasn't been totally smooth sailing since then, but it has been better. More good days than bad days. She was taking care of her family, doing all the things she had missed so much. Jack and Sam really had no interest in coming to Mimi's or Giggi's house much. And you know, that was ok with us!!! She was able to enjoy Thanksgiving at our house and the holidays with the Pinsons in Smithville with Giggi's family. She has been singing again at church - amazing that through all her trials, God has protected that precious voice!

She enjoyed date night with some sweet friends on Friday night, even though she wasn't feeling great. And, we enjoyed some wonderful time with those boys! But, later in the night, she became quite ill and just couldn't get it under control. As per the doctor's instructions, Matt took her directly back to the Medical School and they admitted her and got her on fluids and are trying to control her pain. The doctor came in today - they will let her rest a couple of days and try to get the nausea and pain under control and then decide what to do.

I don't say it all as eloquently as Tine does, but I hope this kind of explains what is going on with her right now. I will keep you updated here and via Facebook. For now, will you please pray for her right now...that God will give her relief. Will you pray for Matt's safety as he drives there to see her? And will you pray for Jack and Sam that they will continue to be the brave little boys Matt and Christine are raising them to be. Jack told me last night..."don't worry, Mimi. Don't you know that God will make Mommy well?" He even asked me if I wanted to read him the Bible instead of a story book at bedtime. His precious prayer was simple..."God, it's me....Jack. My mommy is in the new new hospital and she was crying. I know you will make her better. And help Sam too."

Blessings...