harvest

I can remember back when Matt and I were dating...those days of butterflies in the stomach, not being able to keep our hands off of each other and many, many late nights of talking. We talked about our hopes and our dreams...we imagined what it would look like for those hopes and dreams to converge. We talked about jobs and cities and baby names. We kissed...alot. We talked about fears and insecurities and doubts. And we kissed some more. There are so many things that made me fall in love with Matt. And in the 10 years we've been together I have fallen in love with him for many more reasons. He's hilarious...no one makes me laugh like he does. He's creative. He has such a passion for things that really matter. He protects me and honors me and values me. And he has the most tender heart of anyone I've ever known. Long before there was a ring on my finger I knew that Matt Pinson was going to make a wonderful father. And I was right. There is no one that I would rather have walking this journey of parenthood alongside of me. There are still so many days that we look at each other and wonder how it is that we have been entrusted with these two little lives. We don't know what we're doing...at all. There are nights that we fall asleep wondering if we've handled things the right way...hoping that we aren't screwing these two little boys up beyond what they will be able to forgive one day. But there is never a moment that I feel alone in it all. I always know that I have a partner and a confidant and an ally in him.

Back in those early days when we would sit up and talk for hours on end we spent alot of time on one subject...orphans. Yep, you heard me right. Two 20 year old kids...with the world at their feet...with a deep burden for orphans. I had gone on several trips throughout high school and college and had been so moved and changed and convicted by what I had seen. We dreamed of what it would look like to one day start a non-profit that would build orphanages and advocate on behalf of orphans around the world so that, one day, maybe there wouldn't be a need to build more orphanages. A seed planted...rooted deep in our hearts...lying there for years...being turned over in the soil of love and loss and sickness and health and richer and poorer and better and worse. I never imagined what God might be doing all those years ago when I was just sitting up talking to the boy I loved...to the boy I knew would make a wonderful father someday. To the man that is now the father of the two sweet boys sleeping down the hall. To the man who is still just as burdened as I am for the heart of the orphan. To the man who feels the urging, just as I do, to embark on a new dream...adoption.

There is still much to talk about...much to pray about...much to listen to God's voice about. But there is not a doubt in our minds that this is right. That those seeds planted long ago are now coming to bear fruit. That there is a harvest happening in our hearts and in our family...drawing us closer to the very heart of our Heavenly Father. So I lay my head down tonight thankful for a Father in Heaven who has adopted me and called me His own; who is father to the fatherless, who places the lonely in families...and with a heart that is open to His leading for our family. I lie down as a daughter of the King who longs to reflect His heart...and as a mother who knows in the deepest part of me that we have a child we have not yet met. I lie down tonight so grateful for the man that is lying beside me. He still gives me butterflies.