#eternalthreads

This is a short video that Matt made after the trip he took with a few others to Nepal. He took hours and hours and footage and the stories he has shared have been incredible. I am thankful he was able to take this trip and witness firsthand the incredible kingdom work that Eternal Threads is doing there, among other countries. And I am thankful he was able to use his gifts to document the trip, in the hopes that eyes can be opened and we can better partner with them in the restoration of all things. You can go to the Eternal Threads website for more information and to see ways you can get involved.

our Savior who weeps with us

celebrating with a dear friend who welcomed a baby boy this morning and grieving with JB and Ashley Hewatt who are burying their 2 month-old baby boy today...just attended the funeral and am headed to the hospital to see the new baby...the words of Randy Harris from this Sunday are echoing in my mind..."that all that Israel had hoped for in the messiah was actually going to be fulfilled in the suffering servant of Isaiah"...our Savior who weeps with us.
the thunder and rain that echoed throughout the skies during the service was a perfect pairing to the air in the room...our God proclaiming that this is not how it is supposed to be; that parents should not bury their babies...Mike so eloquently spoke into a grief he understands all too well, reminding us that a life of 68 days is infinitely and eternally significant...and encouraging us to let "the parched places in our spirits be refreshed with the rain and thunder of God"...and in the midst of the texas summer, as the rain fell, i was reminded of a verse that i love...that affirms the winter of suffering and promises the hope of spring... 

“Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence. Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth. ” ~ Hosea 6:1-3 

Hewatt family...we see you...and we mourn with you in this cold winter...and we will continue to stand by you...waiting, with great anticipation, for the promise of Spring
 
So today we celebrate new life...and life anew...all while we stand in the gap between the brokenness of this world and the hope of the next...Lord come quickly

coming back

hmm...so maybe i should get back to blogging...i've kind of neglected it for the last couple of years, but we did have many good years before that...i don't know...does anyone do this anymore??? anyone out there still reading?

words for sweet Michael

one year since my sweet cousin Michael left...one year closer to seeing him again
these are words that have kept coming back to mind, as I thought of my sweet cousin over this last year, and the unimaginable loss that my aunt, uncle and cousins have faced...they are still just words...words, words, words...and no words, no matter how carefully crafted, can change the fact that they are in this valley...time does not heal all wounds and there are no "right" words...but i share them, because they make me think of them...and of that beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy...Michael

Sonnet 43 When most I wink, then do mine eyes best see, For all the day they view things unrespected; But when I sleep, in dreams they look on thee, And, darkly bright, are bright in dark directed. Then thou, whose shadow shadows doth make bright— How would thy shadow’s form form happy show To the clear day with thy much clearer light, When to unseeing eyes thy shade shines so? How would, I say, mine eyes be blessèd made By looking on thee in the living day, When in dead night thy fair imperfect shade Through heavy sleep on sightless eyes doth stay? All days are nights to see till I see thee, And nights bright days when dreams do show thee me. ~William Shakespeare

and, from The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupery:
“What moves me so deeply about this sleeping little prince is his loyalty to a flower–the image of a rose shining within him like a flame within a lamp, even when he’s asleep… And I realized he was even more fragile than I thought. Lamps must be protected. A gust of wind can blow them out.”
“You - you alone will have the stars as no one else has them...In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night...You - only you - will have stars that can laugh.”
“I did not know how to reach him, how to catch up with him... The land of tears is so mysterious.” “Here is my secret. It's quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes...The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.”
“Where are the people?” resumed the little prince at last. “It’s a little lonely in the desert…" "It is lonely when you’re among people, too,” said the snake.” “I have always loved the desert. One sits down on a desert sand dune, sees nothing, hears nothing. Yet through the silence something throbs, and gleams...'What makes the desert beautiful,' said the little prince, 'is that somewhere it hides a well.'”

"Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence. Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth. " ~Hosea 6:1-3

i know that sleep is hard to come by these days but i pray that the love of friends and family and the memories will sing you into restful sleep...and dreams of your little prince...forever young...that amidst the parched desert you will feel the comfort of the promised gentle rains of spring...and, when most your eyes do wink, i pray that those dreams are filled with the sweet light of Michael's presence, healed and whole, and lighting up all the darkness

Here With Us

as i was getting prepared, over the last few weeks and days, to sing tonight at our church's christmas worship celebration 'Here With Us', i did alot of thinking about Mary...one of the songs i sang was 'Baby Mine', while Lindi Connally did a beautiful liturgical dance...it was a vision that my sweet husband and i both kind of came up with, as we were listening to this song that we had listened to countless times, but all of a sudden heard it with new ears...a song i've sung to my babies for years, that took on a whole new meaning as i thought about it through the voice of Mary singing to her baby boy...i don't think i will ever listen to the song now without thinking of her

words like 'if they knew, sweet little you....they'd end up loving you too...all those same people who scold you, what they'd give just for the right to hold you'

or like 'little one, when you play...don't you mind what they say'

or even words as simple as 'from your head down to your toes'...what must that have been like for her mother heart, as she rocked her Savior to sleep, to look down at those tiny fingers and toes and know that they would one day be pierced and bleed...for her?

what must that have been like? looking at Him and knowing He had all the power of God...that those infant eyes had seen the beginning of time...that He was her Savior King...Jesus Christ, Lord at His birth...and, yet, at the same time...he was her baby...it seems so overwhelming to me...but as i opened my daily advent meditation this morning, it was so timely...i was reminded of the heart God gave this young girl, and why He probably chose to use her in the first place...

'The Annunciation story (Luke 1:26-38) is the crescendo point to scripture’s theme of total grace and gift. Did you ever notice that Mary does not say she’s “not worthy”? She only asks for clarification: “How can this happen? I am a virgin” (Luke 1:34). She never asks if, whether, or why!
That is quite extraordinary and reveals her egolessness. Mary becomes the archetype of perfect receptivity. It takes the entire Bible to work up to one perfect vessel that knows how to say an unquestioning yes to an utterly free gift!' (Richard Rohr)

i love that term...'perfect receptivity'...what a lesson! just as Jonathan reminded us tonight...when we start to think God is far away, or that he 'came' past tense, or ask for Him to show up...we forget what the story of Christmas tells us...not just that He came, but that HE IS ALREADY HERE...HERE WITH US!
 what richness might we miss if we spend our eyes looking for the why or the how instead of seeing what is here now...what has always been and what is to come...the alpha and omega, the beginning and end...EMMANUEL, God WITH Us

so, no, i don't think i'll ever be able to sing this sweet lullaby to my baby boys again without thinking of a young girl...a labor of love...a mother heart...an open heart...a heart used by God to change the world forever

'rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.'

one year

'home again, home again, jiggity jig'

that was the status that i posted on facebook, at 6:11 pm, exactly one year ago.

one year. may not seem too significant but, for those who know us even kind of well, you may understand the significance of those words and this day...you see, from october 2006 until november 15, 2010, the longest amount of time that i spent at home was about 3 weeks...in between hospitalizations that lasted, on average, from 2-3 months at a time, due to health problems i've battled since i was 18...but on november 15, 2010 i left the hospital and have not returned yet.

this year hasn't been perfect, and i still have flares, but so far none that have left me hospitalized thanks to learning new ways to manage, wonderful doctors, friends and family who have prayed us through, and our healer and sustainer Jehovah Raphae...i still get frustrated with my body...and there are days that i feel like i'm in an overwhelming game of catch up, after having life lap me by four years.

but God is faithful...and He has given us one year...52 weeks...365 days...i could go on (a certain musical theatre tune comes to mind) one year of morning snuggles, carpool, playdates, grocery shopping, holidays, dinners around the table, bath time, story time, bedtime prayers, and lying my head down each night next to the man who has been my rock through it all. one year of uneventfulness, and for that we couldn't be more grateful...one year of HOME...four little letters that mean so much to me every day.

“Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?" ~2 Samuel 7:18

dad's memorial slideshow

This is the video that Matt did for my Dad's service...can't believe it's been two years...really thankful to have this.