September 18 may not seem like very long ago to you, but we sure have enjoyed some good days since then. That is when Christine had her endoscopic ultrasound where they found stones in her pancreatic duct. It hasn't been totally smooth sailing since then, but it has been better. More good days than bad days. She was taking care of her family, doing all the things she had missed so much. Jack and Sam really had no interest in coming to Mimi's or Giggi's house much. And you know, that was ok with us!!! She was able to enjoy Thanksgiving at our house and the holidays with the Pinsons in Smithville with Giggi's family. She has been singing again at church - amazing that through all her trials, God has protected that precious voice!
She enjoyed date night with some sweet friends on Friday night, even though she wasn't feeling great. And, we enjoyed some wonderful time with those boys! But, later in the night, she became quite ill and just couldn't get it under control. As per the doctor's instructions, Matt took her directly back to the Medical School and they admitted her and got her on fluids and are trying to control her pain. The doctor came in today - they will let her rest a couple of days and try to get the nausea and pain under control and then decide what to do.
I don't say it all as eloquently as Tine does, but I hope this kind of explains what is going on with her right now. I will keep you updated here and via Facebook. For now, will you please pray for her right now...that God will give her relief. Will you pray for Matt's safety as he drives there to see her? And will you pray for Jack and Sam that they will continue to be the brave little boys Matt and Christine are raising them to be. Jack told me last night..."don't worry, Mimi. Don't you know that God will make Mommy well?" He even asked me if I wanted to read him the Bible instead of a story book at bedtime. His precious prayer was simple..."God, it's me....Jack. My mommy is in the new new hospital and she was crying. I know you will make her better. And help Sam too."
Blessings...
Monday, January 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
just another update...
I promise that I am going to post some pictures of my sweet boys soon...For some reason I am having trouble posting pictures here and on facebook...very frustrating.
But I just wanted to say that, yes, I am still here. I am still trying to make it through each day, and am very grateful to still be at home and not back in the hospital. I have very good days, and there are still some very bad days. I am not at all complaining, just hoping to clarify because I know it can get confusing. We did have a great breakthrough with the surgery that they were able to do during my last hospital stay; my doctor thinks its been one of the biggest breakthroughs we have had. But I am still dealing with the other issues that have been there this whole time. They have not gone away. Rather than being like a key and a lock, my health is more like a big puzzle, with several pieces. We have several of those pieces...some things have been treated, some require ongoing treatement, and some we just don't know how to treat so we learn how to manage instead. While they found the stones and removed those, and have done two surgeries to open up my bile ducts, I still deal with the pancreatitis, gastroparesis, abnormal liver function, and adhesions from all my scar tissue. My doctor has been very sure to remind me of this. He says that I am not cured, but stable. And we want to keep it that way as long as is possible. I still have to be very careful...with what I eat, with how much I exert myself...but I am also still trying to push myself. But I am also still praying every single day for complete and total healing. No matter what the Lord's answer, I am grateful for each good day that He gives me. On some days there might only be good moments...and I am grateful for those too.
Like I have said before, I know that God owes me absolutely nothing...and I have already been blessed beyond what I could imagine. He has carried us through so much, and has given us new eyes to see and a new peace with whatever our circumstances. I hope this doesn't sound negative...and I hope this doesn't discourage anyone...because prayers have been answered...we have been given more answers than we had before. And I am learning how to better manage my other ongoing health issues, so that I can have a better quality of life. Does this mean I will never be in the hospital again? I don't know...I hope so, but I don't know. But I have learned to be grateful for today...to rejoice in the moment and to delight in the small things. And that has made a huge difference in my life.
I am so thankful to be at home with my boys and to be doing more and more things that feel...normal. It has been good to see friends that I haven't see in so long...friends that have been such a great support for me and for my family. I can't say it enough that we would not be making it through all of this without the wonderful community of friends and family that surrounds us. We have been so blessed by the prayers of so many, and we continue to ask for prayers for healing and for peace with whatever God's will is as far as my health. Sometimes it feels selfish to continue to ask for prayers, when people have been praying for so long and when others around us that we love are also going through very hard things. But I know that is silly, because we serve a God who is big enough for all of it, and who longs for us to cry out to Him. So we will cry out. No matter what happens, we have grown closer as a family and closer to the God who gives us new life every day. We have new appreciation for the verse that tells us His mercies are new every morning. I just try to keep my eyes and heart open and then, even on the darkest of days, I can still see blessing and still feel His presence.
I'll leave you with another verse that I have known all my life; that has taken on a whole new personal meaning for me. While I can't say I have perfected this, I am getting better at being content, and relying on God for my strength to get through each day. After all, when I am weak, He is strong. And He is always faithful...no matter how hard the day is...it will come to an end...and I CAN get through it...because my strength doesn't depend on whether I am sick or well...
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.~Philippians 4:12-13
But I just wanted to say that, yes, I am still here. I am still trying to make it through each day, and am very grateful to still be at home and not back in the hospital. I have very good days, and there are still some very bad days. I am not at all complaining, just hoping to clarify because I know it can get confusing. We did have a great breakthrough with the surgery that they were able to do during my last hospital stay; my doctor thinks its been one of the biggest breakthroughs we have had. But I am still dealing with the other issues that have been there this whole time. They have not gone away. Rather than being like a key and a lock, my health is more like a big puzzle, with several pieces. We have several of those pieces...some things have been treated, some require ongoing treatement, and some we just don't know how to treat so we learn how to manage instead. While they found the stones and removed those, and have done two surgeries to open up my bile ducts, I still deal with the pancreatitis, gastroparesis, abnormal liver function, and adhesions from all my scar tissue. My doctor has been very sure to remind me of this. He says that I am not cured, but stable. And we want to keep it that way as long as is possible. I still have to be very careful...with what I eat, with how much I exert myself...but I am also still trying to push myself. But I am also still praying every single day for complete and total healing. No matter what the Lord's answer, I am grateful for each good day that He gives me. On some days there might only be good moments...and I am grateful for those too.
Like I have said before, I know that God owes me absolutely nothing...and I have already been blessed beyond what I could imagine. He has carried us through so much, and has given us new eyes to see and a new peace with whatever our circumstances. I hope this doesn't sound negative...and I hope this doesn't discourage anyone...because prayers have been answered...we have been given more answers than we had before. And I am learning how to better manage my other ongoing health issues, so that I can have a better quality of life. Does this mean I will never be in the hospital again? I don't know...I hope so, but I don't know. But I have learned to be grateful for today...to rejoice in the moment and to delight in the small things. And that has made a huge difference in my life.
I am so thankful to be at home with my boys and to be doing more and more things that feel...normal. It has been good to see friends that I haven't see in so long...friends that have been such a great support for me and for my family. I can't say it enough that we would not be making it through all of this without the wonderful community of friends and family that surrounds us. We have been so blessed by the prayers of so many, and we continue to ask for prayers for healing and for peace with whatever God's will is as far as my health. Sometimes it feels selfish to continue to ask for prayers, when people have been praying for so long and when others around us that we love are also going through very hard things. But I know that is silly, because we serve a God who is big enough for all of it, and who longs for us to cry out to Him. So we will cry out. No matter what happens, we have grown closer as a family and closer to the God who gives us new life every day. We have new appreciation for the verse that tells us His mercies are new every morning. I just try to keep my eyes and heart open and then, even on the darkest of days, I can still see blessing and still feel His presence.
I'll leave you with another verse that I have known all my life; that has taken on a whole new personal meaning for me. While I can't say I have perfected this, I am getting better at being content, and relying on God for my strength to get through each day. After all, when I am weak, He is strong. And He is always faithful...no matter how hard the day is...it will come to an end...and I CAN get through it...because my strength doesn't depend on whether I am sick or well...
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.~Philippians 4:12-13
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
TRUTH
Psalm 22:27-28
All the ends of the earth
will remember and turn to the LORD,
and all the families of the nations
will bow down before him,
for dominion belongs to the LORD
and he rules over the nations.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given you a spirit of fear;
but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
Romans 13:1
Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities,
for there is no authority except that which God has established.
The authorities that exist have been established by God.
John 16:33
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart!
I have overcome the world.
Psalm 33:11
But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever,
the purposes of his heart through all generations.
Psalm 47:8
God reigns over the nations;
God is seated on his holy throne.
There are so many more verses that I could post here that are so relevant on a day like today. I just hope that, no matter what the outcome, we will all stop a moment to be still and remember who is on the throne.
All the ends of the earth
will remember and turn to the LORD,
and all the families of the nations
will bow down before him,
for dominion belongs to the LORD
and he rules over the nations.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given you a spirit of fear;
but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
Romans 13:1
Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities,
for there is no authority except that which God has established.
The authorities that exist have been established by God.
John 16:33
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart!
I have overcome the world.
Psalm 33:11
But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever,
the purposes of his heart through all generations.
Psalm 47:8
God reigns over the nations;
God is seated on his holy throne.
There are so many more verses that I could post here that are so relevant on a day like today. I just hope that, no matter what the outcome, we will all stop a moment to be still and remember who is on the throne.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Just some thoughts in 2008
I do not want to get into any political debates. I am thankful to live in a country where we are free to vote for what we believe is best, and today I did just that.But before I am an American, I belong to the Kingdom of God. And I am just very saddened by the way that a very well known Christian organization has chosen to use fear tactics in an attempt to sway people.
No matter who you are voting for, the "Letter from 2012 in an Obama America" does not reflect the spirit of Christ. And no matter who you are voting for, GOD IS IN CONTROL, and He has not given us a spirit of fear. I just find this letter divisive and sad, and it has absolutely nothing to do with who I do or do not want in the White House. It has more to do with the God I know, who is over all and in all, and who created and loves imperfect people, not democrats and republicans. There are lots of things that could "possibly" happen, no matter who is in office. In fact, there probably could be a letter(not even hypothetical) written, looking back from 2004, that includes some very horrible events. I can see how a non-Christian may be motivated in their voting by fear, but as children of God, we have been delivered from fear. I just think things like this are what turn people away from the Lord, not towards Him. And as Christians, isn't THAT our job? Not to slander our brothers or to tell people who to vote for or not vote for...but to point people to Christ. I just pray more than anything, that non-Christians will not view this letter as a true picture of who God is, or the kind of people He wants us to be. Jim Wallis wrote a good response
I am not endorsing a candidate here. That's not really the point. I just want people to remember that on November 5th...no matter what the outcome...God will still be on His throne. And I just don't see how something like this does anything to proclaim that.
So blue, red, or somewhere in between...praise God that HE holds the future in His hands.
No matter who you are voting for, the "Letter from 2012 in an Obama America" does not reflect the spirit of Christ. And no matter who you are voting for, GOD IS IN CONTROL, and He has not given us a spirit of fear. I just find this letter divisive and sad, and it has absolutely nothing to do with who I do or do not want in the White House. It has more to do with the God I know, who is over all and in all, and who created and loves imperfect people, not democrats and republicans. There are lots of things that could "possibly" happen, no matter who is in office. In fact, there probably could be a letter(not even hypothetical) written, looking back from 2004, that includes some very horrible events. I can see how a non-Christian may be motivated in their voting by fear, but as children of God, we have been delivered from fear. I just think things like this are what turn people away from the Lord, not towards Him. And as Christians, isn't THAT our job? Not to slander our brothers or to tell people who to vote for or not vote for...but to point people to Christ. I just pray more than anything, that non-Christians will not view this letter as a true picture of who God is, or the kind of people He wants us to be. Jim Wallis wrote a good response
I am not endorsing a candidate here. That's not really the point. I just want people to remember that on November 5th...no matter what the outcome...God will still be on His throne. And I just don't see how something like this does anything to proclaim that.
So blue, red, or somewhere in between...praise God that HE holds the future in His hands.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
just an update
I promise that I am going to post some pictures of my sweet boys
soon...For some reason I am having trouble posting pictures here and on
facebook...very frustrating.
But I just wanted to say that, yes, I am still here. I am still trying to make it through each day, and am very grateful to still be at home and not back in the hospital. I have very good days, and there are still some very bad days. I am not at all complaining, just hoping to clarify because I know it can get confusing. We did have a great breakthrough with the surgery that they were able to do during my last hospital stay; my doctor thinks its been one of the biggest breakthroughs we have had. But I am still dealing with the other issues that have been there this whole time. They have not gone away. Rather than being like a key and a lock, my health is more like a big puzzle, with several pieces. We have several of those pieces...some things have been treated, some require ongoing treatement, and some we just don't know how to treat so we learn how to manage instead. While they found the stones and removed those, and have done two surgeries to open up my bile ducts, I still deal with the pancreatitis, gastroparesis, abnormal liver function, and adhesions from all my scar tissue. My doctor has been very sure to remind me of this. He says that I am not cured, but stable. And we want to keep it that way as long as is possible. I still have to be very careful...with what I eat, with how much I exert myself...but I am also still trying to push myself. But I am also still praying every single day for complete and total healing. No matter what the Lord's answer, I am grateful for each good day that He gives me. On some days there might only be good moments...and I am grateful for those too.
Like I have said before, I know that God owes me absolutely nothing...and I have already been blessed beyond what I could imagine. He has carried us through so much, and has given us new eyes to see and a new peace with whatever our circumstances. I hope this doesn't sound negative...and I hope this doesn't discourage anyone...because prayers have been answered...we have been given more answers than we had before. And I am learning how to better manage my other ongoing health issues, so that I can have a better quality of life. Does this mean I will never be in the hospital again? I don't know...I hope so, but I don't know. But I have learned to be grateful for today...to rejoice in the moment and to delight in the small things. And that has made a huge difference in my life.
I am so thankful to be at home with my boys and to be doing more and more things that feel...normal. It has been good to see friends that I haven't see in so long...friends that have been such a great support for me and for my family. I can't say it enough that we would not be making it through all of this without the wonderful community of friends and family that surrounds us. We have been so blessed by the prayers of so many, and we continue to ask for prayers for healing and for peace with whatever God's will is as far as my health. Sometimes it feels selfish to continue to ask for prayers, when people have been praying for so long and when others around us that we love are also going through very hard things. But I know that is silly, because we serve a God who is big enough for all of it, and who longs for us to cry out to Him. So we will cry out. No matter what happens, we have grown closer as a family and closer to the God who gives us new life every day. We have new appreciation for the verse that tells us His mercies are new every morning. I just try to keep my eyes and heart open and then, even on the darkest of days, I can still see blessing and still feel His presence.
I'll leave you with another verse that I have known all my life; that has taken on a whole new personal meaning for me. While I can't say I have perfected this, I am getting better at being content, and relying on God for my strength to get through each day. After all, when I am weak, He is strong. And He is always faithful...no matter how hard the day is...it will come to an end...and I CAN get through it...because my strength doesn't depend on whether I am sick or well...
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.~Philippians 4:12-13
But I just wanted to say that, yes, I am still here. I am still trying to make it through each day, and am very grateful to still be at home and not back in the hospital. I have very good days, and there are still some very bad days. I am not at all complaining, just hoping to clarify because I know it can get confusing. We did have a great breakthrough with the surgery that they were able to do during my last hospital stay; my doctor thinks its been one of the biggest breakthroughs we have had. But I am still dealing with the other issues that have been there this whole time. They have not gone away. Rather than being like a key and a lock, my health is more like a big puzzle, with several pieces. We have several of those pieces...some things have been treated, some require ongoing treatement, and some we just don't know how to treat so we learn how to manage instead. While they found the stones and removed those, and have done two surgeries to open up my bile ducts, I still deal with the pancreatitis, gastroparesis, abnormal liver function, and adhesions from all my scar tissue. My doctor has been very sure to remind me of this. He says that I am not cured, but stable. And we want to keep it that way as long as is possible. I still have to be very careful...with what I eat, with how much I exert myself...but I am also still trying to push myself. But I am also still praying every single day for complete and total healing. No matter what the Lord's answer, I am grateful for each good day that He gives me. On some days there might only be good moments...and I am grateful for those too.
Like I have said before, I know that God owes me absolutely nothing...and I have already been blessed beyond what I could imagine. He has carried us through so much, and has given us new eyes to see and a new peace with whatever our circumstances. I hope this doesn't sound negative...and I hope this doesn't discourage anyone...because prayers have been answered...we have been given more answers than we had before. And I am learning how to better manage my other ongoing health issues, so that I can have a better quality of life. Does this mean I will never be in the hospital again? I don't know...I hope so, but I don't know. But I have learned to be grateful for today...to rejoice in the moment and to delight in the small things. And that has made a huge difference in my life.
I am so thankful to be at home with my boys and to be doing more and more things that feel...normal. It has been good to see friends that I haven't see in so long...friends that have been such a great support for me and for my family. I can't say it enough that we would not be making it through all of this without the wonderful community of friends and family that surrounds us. We have been so blessed by the prayers of so many, and we continue to ask for prayers for healing and for peace with whatever God's will is as far as my health. Sometimes it feels selfish to continue to ask for prayers, when people have been praying for so long and when others around us that we love are also going through very hard things. But I know that is silly, because we serve a God who is big enough for all of it, and who longs for us to cry out to Him. So we will cry out. No matter what happens, we have grown closer as a family and closer to the God who gives us new life every day. We have new appreciation for the verse that tells us His mercies are new every morning. I just try to keep my eyes and heart open and then, even on the darkest of days, I can still see blessing and still feel His presence.
I'll leave you with another verse that I have known all my life; that has taken on a whole new personal meaning for me. While I can't say I have perfected this, I am getting better at being content, and relying on God for my strength to get through each day. After all, when I am weak, He is strong. And He is always faithful...no matter how hard the day is...it will come to an end...and I CAN get through it...because my strength doesn't depend on whether I am sick or well...
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.~Philippians 4:12-13
Sunday, October 19, 2008
coming up for air
People keep asking why I haven't updated lately...to tell the truth, it is a little overwhelming. I know, I should not let myself get overwhelmed by a BLOG! But there has just been so much going on and it is hard to know where to start. But I am going to try and at least give a little update...not because I think people are just on the edge of their seats waiting to read my latest blog entry...but because I know that so many people have gotten on their knees and gone to the Father for me countless times...especially in the last two years...and if nothing else, I need to continue to say thank you to all of you...those I know, and many that I may never know. Your prayers are so very appreciated. And as I have told many people...I really do believe that God has been working on me through all of this...working on my marriage...on my kids...on my whole family...but I am also convinced that God is bringing me through all of this for reasons far beyond myself and any way I can point it all back to Him, and maybe even touch someone else, I am going to try.
So, if you have read the post previous to this one, you know that I just recently returned home from another long hospital stay at UT Southwestern in Dallas where I saw another set of specialists. I was able to have a very specialized test done, where they were able to identify a blockage and some stones that have probably been there for a very long time. They would not have been able to see this without this specific test that is only done at that hospital. The next morning they did yet another surgery on me to clean all of that out and hopefully give me some relief. It is not a cure-all, but it is definitely a huge piece of the puzzle that has been missing this 10 years. We were in the right place at the right time with the best doctors possible...not a coincidence of course! The test that they did is very rare and specialized, and we were so fortunate to be in the hospital that has one of the leading doctors in that area of specialization. As my main internist said..."We just had to wait for technology to catch up with Christine's body"!
I have been at home for a couple of weeks now and I am slowly trying to return to normal activities...I have actually made it through a whole week with the boys all by myself...which in any other case, would make me feel like a horrible mother...but right now, feels like a big accomplishment! I am definitely feeling better than I was...which really doesn't say much considering I was at one of my lowest points prior to this last hospitalization. But really...I can tell a difference. I am not completely healed, I still have good days and days that are not so good where I can't eat and have considerable pain...but like my title says...I feel like we are finally coming up for a long awaited breath of fresh air, after a very long time of feeling like we were drowning.
We truly believe that we serve a God who can, at any time, choose to heal me completely in an instant. But through all of this, I have also been blessed with a peace even at the thought that I may have to deal with some level of pain for the rest of my life. Thanks to my wonderful team of doctors though...that level seems like it will be much lower and more manageable. I am still on quite a bit of medication, and will be for awhile. I still have to be very careful not to overexert myself, and of course with what I eat...and I follow up with my doctors very regularly to try and avoid flare-ups and hospitalization. Luckily, now that we have this team of specialists in place that are familiar with my complicated medical history...if I do have a flare-up my internist just wants me to go straight to Dallas and avoid any unnecessary ER visits or testing, so that I can hopefully start getting treated much more quickly and efficiently(a HUGE blessing). So as excited as we are...I am trying to be careful and patient. I know that it is going to take awhile to get back to 100%. My energy level and immunity is low and I am still considerably weak, just from being sick and in a hospital bed for so long. So I am taking it slow, and just trying to push myself each day to do a little bit more than I did the day before.
It has been wonderful to get out of the house more...especially with this AMAZING weather...Fall is my FAVORITE! And I am just enjoying being with my boys and being able to play with them more. Jack asks me almost every day, "Mommy, are you feeling so much better? You don't have to go to the hospital today, do you?". It breaks my heart, but also brings me joy that my son, at only the age of 4 is able to know God as Jehovah Raphae, our Healer, on such a personal level. We are able to show him tangible ways that God has answered the prayers we have prayed for so long now. I know that this has affected him deeply, probably more than we know...and I also know that God is already preparing in him a heart of compassion for those who are hurting. And my sweet Samuel...what a testimony he already has...of God healing both him and his mommy! And he is my little cuddlebug! If I can catch him, that is! He is all over the place...but it is so fun! He finally gave in and started saying "Mommy" and it is truly the sweetest thing I have ever heard...I could listen to him say it all day long!
I got to sing with the worship team and praise band for the first time in awhile at church a couple of weeks ago. It was so great to be able to do something that I love so much, and also something that just felt normal for a change. I was able to sing the song "Praise you in this Storm" by Casting Crowns, which I first sang at church about a year ago, not long after Sam was born. I don't usually let myself get emotional about songs that I am singing...I can usually separate that, while still trying to be authentic and heartfelt in my praise. But I had more trouble with this song than I probably ever have with any other. It is a hard song to sing vocally...and especially emotionally...probably for anyone. But with all we have been through in the last two years, and are still going through...it was all I could do not to break down in the middle of the song. I knew in my heart that the Devil did not want me to sing that song. And that is really what got me through it...knowing that above all, no matter what the ultimate outcome is with my health...I will not allow Satan to steal our joy...GOD WILL GET ALL THE GLORY. So, it may not been the best that I have ever sang as far as vocal quality, but I have probably never meant what I was singing more. If you have never heard the song, I would urge you to look it up...or even just read the lyrics...they are powerful because they are real. They don't say...I will praise you when everything is wonderful and easy...instead, they say...I am hurting and I don't know where you are sometimes in all of this...but I do know that you have not left me and I will praise you amidst it all, because the God that I serve is bigger than anything I am going through. Matt and I were able to share some of our story and faith journey with the middle schoolers at Fort Worth Christian this last week, and I loved what Matt said to them. He told them that he had obviously prayed alot of prayers for me throughout all of this. Some were very proper and positive. And some were full of doubt and even anger about where God really was in all of this. And then Matt said to those kids...I hope that you know that God is big enough to handle both kinds of prayers. What he wants from you is to be authentic and to continue to cry out to Him. PRAISE GOD for that! I am so thankful that God knows our hearts and that He hears our prayers even they come from our darkest, and most ignorant places. I don't know where I would be without the prayers of so many. It is really and truly humbling to hear from people that I love and of people that I have never even met who have committed so much time and love to lifting me up in prayer. I am so grateful. I would ask that you continue to pray for us...for our peace in all of this, for continued healing and strength, for more answers if more questions arise, for our attempt to return to somewhat normal life...and most of all, to THANK GOD for his healing grace.
My mom shared some verses with you in the last post that have really meant alot to me lately. It really is amazing how alive the word of God is, and how words you have read many times can be so fresh and new to you...how they can be just what you need to hear and how God uses exactly the right verse to speak to your heart at exactly the right time. I turned to another verse the other day that was also like this. It echoed the exact sentiments I am feeling lately. Because as much as I have cried out the Lord, even with anger and frustration at times, for healing, I know that He owes me absolutely nothing. This makes it all the more amazing to look back and see how greatly he has blessed us. I really want to find a special way to place this verse visibly in our home, so that we can always be reminded of just how much God loves us, and much He has carried us through...
It is 2 Samuel 7:18 and it reads,
"Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?"
I know that I am nothing. And yet I know that He has brought us to where we are because He loves us and because He has more for us. I have no doubt that better days are ahead, and I can't wait! But I also don't ever want to forget those moments in the deepest valleys where all we could do was hold on HIM. I truly hope that from this point I can live my life with a gratitude that reflects the many blessings He has poured out on my family. I have been sick for so long, that sometimes I think I may not even remember how to be well. But I know that even though my human body is not whole, my spirit is whole in Christ. I may not be able to run a marathon, my body may be a little older than the actual number of years it is been alive, and I may never receive an absolute clean bill of health. But I can live my life...pointing to the one who gave me life, the one who has saved my life over and over, and the one who will, one day, carry me into true and everlasting life.
I am going to try to be better about updating...keeping everyone posted on my condition...but more importantly...getting back to fun posts about my kids with cute pictures of course!
So, if you have read the post previous to this one, you know that I just recently returned home from another long hospital stay at UT Southwestern in Dallas where I saw another set of specialists. I was able to have a very specialized test done, where they were able to identify a blockage and some stones that have probably been there for a very long time. They would not have been able to see this without this specific test that is only done at that hospital. The next morning they did yet another surgery on me to clean all of that out and hopefully give me some relief. It is not a cure-all, but it is definitely a huge piece of the puzzle that has been missing this 10 years. We were in the right place at the right time with the best doctors possible...not a coincidence of course! The test that they did is very rare and specialized, and we were so fortunate to be in the hospital that has one of the leading doctors in that area of specialization. As my main internist said..."We just had to wait for technology to catch up with Christine's body"!
I have been at home for a couple of weeks now and I am slowly trying to return to normal activities...I have actually made it through a whole week with the boys all by myself...which in any other case, would make me feel like a horrible mother...but right now, feels like a big accomplishment! I am definitely feeling better than I was...which really doesn't say much considering I was at one of my lowest points prior to this last hospitalization. But really...I can tell a difference. I am not completely healed, I still have good days and days that are not so good where I can't eat and have considerable pain...but like my title says...I feel like we are finally coming up for a long awaited breath of fresh air, after a very long time of feeling like we were drowning.
We truly believe that we serve a God who can, at any time, choose to heal me completely in an instant. But through all of this, I have also been blessed with a peace even at the thought that I may have to deal with some level of pain for the rest of my life. Thanks to my wonderful team of doctors though...that level seems like it will be much lower and more manageable. I am still on quite a bit of medication, and will be for awhile. I still have to be very careful not to overexert myself, and of course with what I eat...and I follow up with my doctors very regularly to try and avoid flare-ups and hospitalization. Luckily, now that we have this team of specialists in place that are familiar with my complicated medical history...if I do have a flare-up my internist just wants me to go straight to Dallas and avoid any unnecessary ER visits or testing, so that I can hopefully start getting treated much more quickly and efficiently(a HUGE blessing). So as excited as we are...I am trying to be careful and patient. I know that it is going to take awhile to get back to 100%. My energy level and immunity is low and I am still considerably weak, just from being sick and in a hospital bed for so long. So I am taking it slow, and just trying to push myself each day to do a little bit more than I did the day before.
It has been wonderful to get out of the house more...especially with this AMAZING weather...Fall is my FAVORITE! And I am just enjoying being with my boys and being able to play with them more. Jack asks me almost every day, "Mommy, are you feeling so much better? You don't have to go to the hospital today, do you?". It breaks my heart, but also brings me joy that my son, at only the age of 4 is able to know God as Jehovah Raphae, our Healer, on such a personal level. We are able to show him tangible ways that God has answered the prayers we have prayed for so long now. I know that this has affected him deeply, probably more than we know...and I also know that God is already preparing in him a heart of compassion for those who are hurting. And my sweet Samuel...what a testimony he already has...of God healing both him and his mommy! And he is my little cuddlebug! If I can catch him, that is! He is all over the place...but it is so fun! He finally gave in and started saying "Mommy" and it is truly the sweetest thing I have ever heard...I could listen to him say it all day long!
I got to sing with the worship team and praise band for the first time in awhile at church a couple of weeks ago. It was so great to be able to do something that I love so much, and also something that just felt normal for a change. I was able to sing the song "Praise you in this Storm" by Casting Crowns, which I first sang at church about a year ago, not long after Sam was born. I don't usually let myself get emotional about songs that I am singing...I can usually separate that, while still trying to be authentic and heartfelt in my praise. But I had more trouble with this song than I probably ever have with any other. It is a hard song to sing vocally...and especially emotionally...probably for anyone. But with all we have been through in the last two years, and are still going through...it was all I could do not to break down in the middle of the song. I knew in my heart that the Devil did not want me to sing that song. And that is really what got me through it...knowing that above all, no matter what the ultimate outcome is with my health...I will not allow Satan to steal our joy...GOD WILL GET ALL THE GLORY. So, it may not been the best that I have ever sang as far as vocal quality, but I have probably never meant what I was singing more. If you have never heard the song, I would urge you to look it up...or even just read the lyrics...they are powerful because they are real. They don't say...I will praise you when everything is wonderful and easy...instead, they say...I am hurting and I don't know where you are sometimes in all of this...but I do know that you have not left me and I will praise you amidst it all, because the God that I serve is bigger than anything I am going through. Matt and I were able to share some of our story and faith journey with the middle schoolers at Fort Worth Christian this last week, and I loved what Matt said to them. He told them that he had obviously prayed alot of prayers for me throughout all of this. Some were very proper and positive. And some were full of doubt and even anger about where God really was in all of this. And then Matt said to those kids...I hope that you know that God is big enough to handle both kinds of prayers. What he wants from you is to be authentic and to continue to cry out to Him. PRAISE GOD for that! I am so thankful that God knows our hearts and that He hears our prayers even they come from our darkest, and most ignorant places. I don't know where I would be without the prayers of so many. It is really and truly humbling to hear from people that I love and of people that I have never even met who have committed so much time and love to lifting me up in prayer. I am so grateful. I would ask that you continue to pray for us...for our peace in all of this, for continued healing and strength, for more answers if more questions arise, for our attempt to return to somewhat normal life...and most of all, to THANK GOD for his healing grace.
My mom shared some verses with you in the last post that have really meant alot to me lately. It really is amazing how alive the word of God is, and how words you have read many times can be so fresh and new to you...how they can be just what you need to hear and how God uses exactly the right verse to speak to your heart at exactly the right time. I turned to another verse the other day that was also like this. It echoed the exact sentiments I am feeling lately. Because as much as I have cried out the Lord, even with anger and frustration at times, for healing, I know that He owes me absolutely nothing. This makes it all the more amazing to look back and see how greatly he has blessed us. I really want to find a special way to place this verse visibly in our home, so that we can always be reminded of just how much God loves us, and much He has carried us through...
It is 2 Samuel 7:18 and it reads,
"Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?"
I know that I am nothing. And yet I know that He has brought us to where we are because He loves us and because He has more for us. I have no doubt that better days are ahead, and I can't wait! But I also don't ever want to forget those moments in the deepest valleys where all we could do was hold on HIM. I truly hope that from this point I can live my life with a gratitude that reflects the many blessings He has poured out on my family. I have been sick for so long, that sometimes I think I may not even remember how to be well. But I know that even though my human body is not whole, my spirit is whole in Christ. I may not be able to run a marathon, my body may be a little older than the actual number of years it is been alive, and I may never receive an absolute clean bill of health. But I can live my life...pointing to the one who gave me life, the one who has saved my life over and over, and the one who will, one day, carry me into true and everlasting life.
I am going to try to be better about updating...keeping everyone posted on my condition...but more importantly...getting back to fun posts about my kids with cute pictures of course!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Transforming...
I (Mindy/Mom/Mimi) am posting for Christine tonight at her request. About two and a half weeks ago...after being at home for almost a month...her longest stretch yet in the last two years...she began to have another relapse. She worked hard to stay home as long as she could, but after five days straight of being violently ill, when she began to vomit blood, she decided couldn't wait any longer. She is in the hospital and has been for about a week and a half. However, this post is not one of sadness or fear...it is not one of hope lost...it is one of joy, and hope...in it's greatest form.
Early today, she opened her bible to Psalm 41:3. This would not be anything unusual if the circumstances had not changed today. Let me back up and share with you the events of the past 24 hours.
Last night, at church, the entire service was dedicated to a time of prayer for healing. Before the prayer time began, Rick, our minister, gave a few words about what we would be doing during our time together...praying for healing for those who needed our prayers so badly. And, from the pulpit, he mentioned Christine. How she could not be there last night, but needed the prayers of everyone. How she has suffered for ten years and how the doctors have worked so hard to find an answer for her and Matt and her precious boys. Then, during the service time, we had the opportunity to be prayed over by the shepherds of our church and Roy and I prayed with James and Ann Bankes. After church, many people told me that they, too, had prayed over Christine during that time together. I also found out today that Emily's small group had prayed for Christine specifically last night during their time together. Now, we have prayed...ALOT...over the years. But what makes this a little different is that so many prayers were lifted up for her just before what doctors thought could be a groundbreaking procedure. When a group of her sweet friends, the mommies of her babies' sweet friends, heard that she was in surgery, they stopped at that moment and prayed. We have really learned what it means to have friends who truly share in our sufferings and our joys.
Today, Christine had a procedure that is very rare; very specialized. It was done by the man who is said to be the best one to do it as well. And while they were doing it, they found something that could very well provide an answer that would be huge in Christine being able to resume life in a more normal way! While looking at her pancreas to see if it had suffered any injury or damage, they discovered that she has several stones in her pancreatic duct that are causing a serious blockage. The unusual thing is that she had her gallbladder removed 10 years ago during her 6 month bout of severe pancreatitis... at the same time this whole nightmare began to unfold. It is possible for the body to make stones even after the removal of the gallbladder if it produces a lot of bile, which her body does. But, it is also possible that when the gallbladder was removed that there were stones in the duct that stayed there. Although one specialist hinted at this possibility years ago, it was never followed up on. Tomorrow morning (Thursday), the doctors will do a procedure to remove the stones. There is also a possibility that she may need to have repeat procedures for her liver problems as well, something that was also noticed in her blood work yesterday. And once again, the doctor who has done those surgeries is said to be the best in the country...right here in Dallas...coincidence? I doubt it.
Will all this cure her completely? We don't know. But we do know this...that the removal of these stones should greatly improve the quality of her life by removing something that is known to cause great pain and illness. And while we were talking tonight, Christine shared with me that one of her greatest praises from today was not even what was found, but what was not. She has kept a personal fear inside now that when they finally did get to have this procedure they would find something life-threatening. And when one of the last words she heard the doctor say to her, before she was wheeled into the operating room, was cancer...that fear began to creep up again. She doesn't usually get nervous before surgeries, as she has had many...but she told me she was lying on that table and just started shaking and fidgeting. And, at that very moment, she said that the Lord brought one of her very favorite verses to mind...the verse that hangs right on the inside of her front door, so that she will see it every time she leaves her home to go out into the world...that verse in 2 Timothy 1:7, that says,
"For God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind".
GOD has been faithful in granting Christine peace in the possibility that on some level she will probably deal with her illness for the rest of her life. And while we count her wonderful team of doctors and specialists and great advances in medicine as blessings from God...it is because of that spirit that only comes from HIM, that we will continue to hold to the belief that our LORD can and may choose to completely heal her in an instant...But either way...Christine has come to know Him intimately as her Jehovah Raphae.
I cannot tell you the last time I felt such hope for her. I have always believed that, through all her pain and suffering, God has a greater purpose for her. She has suffered for so long, and the depth of her health problems could have caused death on a number of occasions...yet our Father chose to spare her. Though I am her Mama, and may be a little prejudiced, I truly believe that God has used her life to bless others in ways that we may never know on this earth. We have all prayed for the day that she can get up and be what she has always wanted to be...a wife and mommy whose life glorifies the LORD. She has lived that role up to now, despite her health problems. But she wants more...and I believe she is going to be blessed with more than we could imagine.
And then there are her precious babies...they are her joys, and can put a smile on her face even on the darkest of days. Sweet Jack...he's been through so much, but through it all, he has loved his mommy, whether cuddling on the couch or in a hospital bed. And while he is getting to an age where he is asking more questions and knows that something is not quite right, Christine has believed for some time now that God is preparing in him a heart full of compassion...a heart that truly hurts with the hurting. And baby Sam...while some of the scariest times in Christine's health problems were while she was pregnant with him...they will forever share a precious bond because of that time filled with quiet whispers of hope for the great purpose she knew already existed for his little life. His life has been blessed by having Christine as his mommy, but I can just imagine all the wonderful memories they can make when she feels so much better.
Her verse today from Psalm 41? "The Lord will sustain you on your sickbed and restore you from your bed of illness" (NIV).
Christine said that she was especially touched by the wording in The Amplified Bible version which says, "He will transform you in your illness".
Christine told me earlier today that she believes that all she has gone through has certainly transformed her and will continue to transform her for years to come, refining her spirit and making her more of the person He wants her to be and that she longs to be also. When Matt and Christine got married, she asked her Daddy to say a few extra words before he "gave her away". To get his inspiration, he looked through her Bible. When he came to the passage in Psalm 31, he found these words in her notes..."I want to be the woman in Proverbs 31. I want to be transformed into the woman God wants me to be and to serve Him all the days of my life".
Even then, the LORD was preparing her heart for these trials and transformation, and preparing the heart of that precious young groom who would stand beside her through it all. I have said it many times, but not a day goes by without Christine's dad and I thanking GOD for sweet Matt Pinson...we watch with joy as he daily lives out the vows that he made to our oldest daughter just five years ago. They have weathered much in that short time, and will no doubt face many more trials. But we can say with great confidence that there is no man in the world that we could have chosen who would love Christine in the way he does...in that exact way that we prayed for since she was just a child...as Christ loves His church. We have all walked this journey together, and there have been many valleys. But I have a feeling that we are on the road to days that are much sweeter. I have a feeling that mountaintops are coming into view.
Christine also told me tonight that two words have been on her heart alot lately...words that she has heard often from the Jeffrey women (some of the wisest women we know!). I know that she will have those words in her heart tomorrow, and as this journey continues...They may be simple words, but they are words that can transform our thinking...so please join us and EXPECT BLESSING.
Early today, she opened her bible to Psalm 41:3. This would not be anything unusual if the circumstances had not changed today. Let me back up and share with you the events of the past 24 hours.
Last night, at church, the entire service was dedicated to a time of prayer for healing. Before the prayer time began, Rick, our minister, gave a few words about what we would be doing during our time together...praying for healing for those who needed our prayers so badly. And, from the pulpit, he mentioned Christine. How she could not be there last night, but needed the prayers of everyone. How she has suffered for ten years and how the doctors have worked so hard to find an answer for her and Matt and her precious boys. Then, during the service time, we had the opportunity to be prayed over by the shepherds of our church and Roy and I prayed with James and Ann Bankes. After church, many people told me that they, too, had prayed over Christine during that time together. I also found out today that Emily's small group had prayed for Christine specifically last night during their time together. Now, we have prayed...ALOT...over the years. But what makes this a little different is that so many prayers were lifted up for her just before what doctors thought could be a groundbreaking procedure. When a group of her sweet friends, the mommies of her babies' sweet friends, heard that she was in surgery, they stopped at that moment and prayed. We have really learned what it means to have friends who truly share in our sufferings and our joys.
Today, Christine had a procedure that is very rare; very specialized. It was done by the man who is said to be the best one to do it as well. And while they were doing it, they found something that could very well provide an answer that would be huge in Christine being able to resume life in a more normal way! While looking at her pancreas to see if it had suffered any injury or damage, they discovered that she has several stones in her pancreatic duct that are causing a serious blockage. The unusual thing is that she had her gallbladder removed 10 years ago during her 6 month bout of severe pancreatitis... at the same time this whole nightmare began to unfold. It is possible for the body to make stones even after the removal of the gallbladder if it produces a lot of bile, which her body does. But, it is also possible that when the gallbladder was removed that there were stones in the duct that stayed there. Although one specialist hinted at this possibility years ago, it was never followed up on. Tomorrow morning (Thursday), the doctors will do a procedure to remove the stones. There is also a possibility that she may need to have repeat procedures for her liver problems as well, something that was also noticed in her blood work yesterday. And once again, the doctor who has done those surgeries is said to be the best in the country...right here in Dallas...coincidence? I doubt it.
Will all this cure her completely? We don't know. But we do know this...that the removal of these stones should greatly improve the quality of her life by removing something that is known to cause great pain and illness. And while we were talking tonight, Christine shared with me that one of her greatest praises from today was not even what was found, but what was not. She has kept a personal fear inside now that when they finally did get to have this procedure they would find something life-threatening. And when one of the last words she heard the doctor say to her, before she was wheeled into the operating room, was cancer...that fear began to creep up again. She doesn't usually get nervous before surgeries, as she has had many...but she told me she was lying on that table and just started shaking and fidgeting. And, at that very moment, she said that the Lord brought one of her very favorite verses to mind...the verse that hangs right on the inside of her front door, so that she will see it every time she leaves her home to go out into the world...that verse in 2 Timothy 1:7, that says,
"For God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind".
GOD has been faithful in granting Christine peace in the possibility that on some level she will probably deal with her illness for the rest of her life. And while we count her wonderful team of doctors and specialists and great advances in medicine as blessings from God...it is because of that spirit that only comes from HIM, that we will continue to hold to the belief that our LORD can and may choose to completely heal her in an instant...But either way...Christine has come to know Him intimately as her Jehovah Raphae.
I cannot tell you the last time I felt such hope for her. I have always believed that, through all her pain and suffering, God has a greater purpose for her. She has suffered for so long, and the depth of her health problems could have caused death on a number of occasions...yet our Father chose to spare her. Though I am her Mama, and may be a little prejudiced, I truly believe that God has used her life to bless others in ways that we may never know on this earth. We have all prayed for the day that she can get up and be what she has always wanted to be...a wife and mommy whose life glorifies the LORD. She has lived that role up to now, despite her health problems. But she wants more...and I believe she is going to be blessed with more than we could imagine.
And then there are her precious babies...they are her joys, and can put a smile on her face even on the darkest of days. Sweet Jack...he's been through so much, but through it all, he has loved his mommy, whether cuddling on the couch or in a hospital bed. And while he is getting to an age where he is asking more questions and knows that something is not quite right, Christine has believed for some time now that God is preparing in him a heart full of compassion...a heart that truly hurts with the hurting. And baby Sam...while some of the scariest times in Christine's health problems were while she was pregnant with him...they will forever share a precious bond because of that time filled with quiet whispers of hope for the great purpose she knew already existed for his little life. His life has been blessed by having Christine as his mommy, but I can just imagine all the wonderful memories they can make when she feels so much better.
Her verse today from Psalm 41? "The Lord will sustain you on your sickbed and restore you from your bed of illness" (NIV).
Christine said that she was especially touched by the wording in The Amplified Bible version which says, "He will transform you in your illness".
Christine told me earlier today that she believes that all she has gone through has certainly transformed her and will continue to transform her for years to come, refining her spirit and making her more of the person He wants her to be and that she longs to be also. When Matt and Christine got married, she asked her Daddy to say a few extra words before he "gave her away". To get his inspiration, he looked through her Bible. When he came to the passage in Psalm 31, he found these words in her notes..."I want to be the woman in Proverbs 31. I want to be transformed into the woman God wants me to be and to serve Him all the days of my life".
Even then, the LORD was preparing her heart for these trials and transformation, and preparing the heart of that precious young groom who would stand beside her through it all. I have said it many times, but not a day goes by without Christine's dad and I thanking GOD for sweet Matt Pinson...we watch with joy as he daily lives out the vows that he made to our oldest daughter just five years ago. They have weathered much in that short time, and will no doubt face many more trials. But we can say with great confidence that there is no man in the world that we could have chosen who would love Christine in the way he does...in that exact way that we prayed for since she was just a child...as Christ loves His church. We have all walked this journey together, and there have been many valleys. But I have a feeling that we are on the road to days that are much sweeter. I have a feeling that mountaintops are coming into view.
Christine also told me tonight that two words have been on her heart alot lately...words that she has heard often from the Jeffrey women (some of the wisest women we know!). I know that she will have those words in her heart tomorrow, and as this journey continues...They may be simple words, but they are words that can transform our thinking...so please join us and EXPECT BLESSING.
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