Desert Song

I promise an actual post is coming...I know this technically doesn't count as my own original thought...but for now, it's the best I can come up with...I have definitely felt like I have been in the desert for awhile now...People I love are hurting and my own illness seems to be rearing its ugly head quite often as of late...and we are tired, so tired...a couple of weeks ago, Matt and I were prayed over by several people during a prayer service at church...it was specifically geared towards people who were suffering with illness or grief...sometimes I feel like we have worn people out of praying for us...I am so thankful that people continue to pray though...that night was powerful for Matt and me, because my illness continues to be a daily battle, frustrating to my doctors and to me...I long to be a better wife and mother...I long to be more than my energy and health will allow right now, and it just feels like we have been in this valley for so long...we have experienced so much blessing along the way also, and that is never far from our minds...I have the most amazing family, wonderful friends, and a husband who daily lives out his vows to me...I am constantly reminded that God gave me the exact right man to share my life with...He has strength for both of us when I am feeling weak and he takes on so much more than he should have to without ever complaining...we have certainly seen God shower us with many blessings throughout the last few years...I have definitely come to know God in an intimate way that would not have been possible without all of those hours spent in His throne room, begging Him for healing and for grace to endure...we know that God is shaping us through all of this...but oh, how we pray for a new quality of life...Suzy Jeffrey put it so well in her prayer over us that we just "long for a new direction...we feel like we have been on this road and we have seen this scenery before and we beg for something new"...we continue to take things one day at a time...not really another way to take it anyway...i have been back in the hospital in both January and February...so right now our goal is to get through March...baby steps...

And amidst all this...people that I love are hurting also...I feel like it is definitely my turn to take care of someone instead being taken care of, and it can get frustrating to not be able to physically do all that I wish I could...but I do have many quiet moments with the Lord, and many prayers are being said for others who I know are experiencing the desert right now...

I love this song because it is real and raw and speaks directly to my heart...I hope it can speak to your heart also...Obviously music is a huge part of my life...my mom recently mentioned how God has been so sweet in protecting my voice...I have always feared losing it as a result of so much damage to my esophagus and throat because of how much i throw up(sorry if that's TMI, but most of my readers are mommies and a little throw up doesn't phase us!)...and although I haven't been able to lead worship at church as much as I have in the past, I look so forward to those days when I get to...and somehow God gives me the strength to sing...and I think He is showing me in those moments that He still desires and deserves all of my praise...He has been so good to me...He has put a song in my heart and I refuse to let it be silenced...and in these past years that have been some of my hardest, He deserves more praise than ever...because as hard as it has been at times, HE HAS NEVER LEFT MY SIDE...I praise GOD that HE gave me a voice and a reason to sing...and I will still praise HIM, no matter what my circumstances, because even in my brokenness HE can be glorified...it is HIM who fills me up and helps me put one foot in front of the other...it is HIS SPIRIT that allows me to sing praise amidst my questions and fears...because no matter what trials we are facing, GOD IS ON HIS THRONE...what a blessing it is to SING PRAISE TO OUR GREAT GOD!

Music can speak so deeply to our souls, and this song has really been my anthem as of late...I have been singing it over and over again, reminding myself that amidst physical, emotional, mental and spiritual pain...my own and that of those that I love...I HAVE A REASON TO WORSHIP!

There have been many days when I do feel completely empty and dry...when I don't even feel like singing...but I HAVE A REASON TO SING...I refuse to let Satan take one single ounce of glory from my weakness...instead, I will trust in the POWER that is MADE PERFECT in that weakness...every blessing that the Lord pours out I will turn back to praise...because MY GOD is the GOD WHO PROVIDES...and in every season of life...HE IS GOD and HE IS MY VICTORY...this is only a season, and I refuse to take my eyes off of the one who can shape me through the fire...I will continue to pray for total healing...but until that day...I WILL BRING PRAISE...


This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames


I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here


And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand



ALL OF MY LIFE
IN EVERY SEASON
YOU ARE STILL GOD
I HAVE A REASON TO SING
I HAVE A REASON TO WORSHIP


ALL OF MY LIFE
IN EVERY SEASON
YOU ARE STILL GOD
I HAVE A REASON TO SING
I HAVE A REASON TO WORSHIP

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here


This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

("Desert Song", Hillsong)

Here is a video of the song, it includes a powerful testimony by one of the vocalists, and then plays the whole song...I pray that it blesses you today...no matter what desert we may be walking through...WE HAVE A REASON TO WORSHIP!

beaten, but not brought down...helpless and yet still hopeful

I am glad to have been back home from the hospital for the last few days. I made through a full day by myself with the boys yesterday, which is a big accomplishment for me when I am just days out from hospitalization...we have to take joy in those little victories!

I have to admit it was a frustrating feeling to be back in a hospital bed after my longest stretch at home in 3 years(almost 3 months...little victories, people). It was a pretty uneventful stay...they mostly treated my acute symptoms(the usual-horrific pain accompanied by what is probably horrific throwing up to most people-I am not very phased by puke anymore...sorry, it's gross but true) and then they laid low so as not to "provoke the beast", if you will(the beast better known as my digestive system, in case you aren't familiar). The biggest question mark still seems to be what it is that triggers these flare ups...we still don't know and don't know if we ever will...I had an appointment with my internist today(a man who deserves a whole post of his own...he is one of the smartest doctors I have ever known and one of the most compassionate human beings I have ever known...which you may not know is NOT always the case...in fact, not usually the case). He always reassures me and advocates for me and we say many prayers of thanksgiving for him all the time.

So while it seems that this rollercoaster ride has not come to an end as we hoped...it is still moving more slowly. We had been warned to be "cautiously optimistic" by my docs, and the week leading up to this last episode, I knew I was going down a familiar road...I do know my body pretty well by now. While it was discouraging...we continue to be touched by the sweetness of our God and how much better things have gotten. Never far from our minds is just how far we have been carried. And while it seems that we are still on this crazy ride...one that we know we may actually face for the rest of our life...one thing that has never changed is the amazing grace we have felt... from the Lord in His provision and protection, as well as the community He has surrounded us with in those deepest darkest parts of the valleys...we look forward to those little mountaintops as we press on in the journey towards that day when this pain will be gone for good...and we praise God for the people that He has placed in our path to help temper that pain with joy.

It's me...Mimi

September 18 may not seem like very long ago to you, but we sure have enjoyed some good days since then. That is when Christine had her endoscopic ultrasound where they found stones in her pancreatic duct. It hasn't been totally smooth sailing since then, but it has been better. More good days than bad days. She was taking care of her family, doing all the things she had missed so much. Jack and Sam really had no interest in coming to Mimi's or Giggi's house much. And you know, that was ok with us!!! She was able to enjoy Thanksgiving at our house and the holidays with the Pinsons in Smithville with Giggi's family. She has been singing again at church - amazing that through all her trials, God has protected that precious voice!

She enjoyed date night with some sweet friends on Friday night, even though she wasn't feeling great. And, we enjoyed some wonderful time with those boys! But, later in the night, she became quite ill and just couldn't get it under control. As per the doctor's instructions, Matt took her directly back to the Medical School and they admitted her and got her on fluids and are trying to control her pain. The doctor came in today - they will let her rest a couple of days and try to get the nausea and pain under control and then decide what to do.

I don't say it all as eloquently as Tine does, but I hope this kind of explains what is going on with her right now. I will keep you updated here and via Facebook. For now, will you please pray for her right now...that God will give her relief. Will you pray for Matt's safety as he drives there to see her? And will you pray for Jack and Sam that they will continue to be the brave little boys Matt and Christine are raising them to be. Jack told me last night..."don't worry, Mimi. Don't you know that God will make Mommy well?" He even asked me if I wanted to read him the Bible instead of a story book at bedtime. His precious prayer was simple..."God, it's me....Jack. My mommy is in the new new hospital and she was crying. I know you will make her better. And help Sam too."

Blessings...

just another update...

I promise that I am going to post some pictures of my sweet boys soon...For some reason I am having trouble posting pictures here and on facebook...very frustrating.

But I just wanted to say that, yes, I am still here. I am still trying to make it through each day, and am very grateful to still be at home and not back in the hospital. I have very good days, and there are still some very bad days. I am not at all complaining, just hoping to clarify because I know it can get confusing. We did have a great breakthrough with the surgery that they were able to do during my last hospital stay; my doctor thinks its been one of the biggest breakthroughs we have had. But I am still dealing with the other issues that have been there this whole time. They have not gone away. Rather than being like a key and a lock, my health is more like a big puzzle, with several pieces. We have several of those pieces...some things have been treated, some require ongoing treatement, and some we just don't know how to treat so we learn how to manage instead. While they found the stones and removed those, and have done two surgeries to open up my bile ducts, I still deal with the pancreatitis, gastroparesis, abnormal liver function, and adhesions from all my scar tissue. My doctor has been very sure to remind me of this. He says that I am not cured, but stable. And we want to keep it that way as long as is possible. I still have to be very careful...with what I eat, with how much I exert myself...but I am also still trying to push myself. But I am also still praying every single day for complete and total healing. No matter what the Lord's answer, I am grateful for each good day that He gives me. On some days there might only be good moments...and I am grateful for those too.

Like I have said before, I know that God owes me absolutely nothing...and I have already been blessed beyond what I could imagine. He has carried us through so much, and has given us new eyes to see and a new peace with whatever our circumstances. I hope this doesn't sound negative...and I hope this doesn't discourage anyone...because prayers have been answered...we have been given more answers than we had before. And I am learning how to better manage my other ongoing health issues, so that I can have a better quality of life. Does this mean I will never be in the hospital again? I don't know...I hope so, but I don't know. But I have learned to be grateful for today...to rejoice in the moment and to delight in the small things. And that has made a huge difference in my life.

I am so thankful to be at home with my boys and to be doing more and more things that feel...normal. It has been good to see friends that I haven't see in so long...friends that have been such a great support for me and for my family. I can't say it enough that we would not be making it through all of this without the wonderful community of friends and family that surrounds us. We have been so blessed by the prayers of so many, and we continue to ask for prayers for healing and for peace with whatever God's will is as far as my health. Sometimes it feels selfish to continue to ask for prayers, when people have been praying for so long and when others around us that we love are also going through very hard things. But I know that is silly, because we serve a God who is big enough for all of it, and who longs for us to cry out to Him. So we will cry out. No matter what happens, we have grown closer as a family and closer to the God who gives us new life every day. We have new appreciation for the verse that tells us His mercies are new every morning. I just try to keep my eyes and heart open and then, even on the darkest of days, I can still see blessing and still feel His presence.

I'll leave you with another verse that I have known all my life; that has taken on a whole new personal meaning for me. While I can't say I have perfected this, I am getting better at being content, and relying on God for my strength to get through each day. After all, when I am weak, He is strong. And He is always faithful...no matter how hard the day is...it will come to an end...and I CAN get through it...because my strength doesn't depend on whether I am sick or well...

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.~Philippians 4:12-13

TRUTH

Psalm 22:27-28

All the ends of the earth
will remember and turn to the LORD,
and all the families of the nations
will bow down before him,

for dominion belongs to the LORD
and he rules over the nations.

2 Timothy 1:7

For God has not given you a spirit of fear;
but of power and of love and of a sound mind.


Romans 13:1

Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities,
for there is no authority except that which God has established.
The authorities that exist have been established by God.

John 16:33

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart!
I have overcome the world.

Psalm 33:11

But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever,
the purposes of his heart through all generations.

Psalm 47:8

God reigns over the nations;
God is seated on his holy throne.


There are so many more verses that I could post here that are so relevant on a day like today. I just hope that, no matter what the outcome, we will all stop a moment to be still and remember who is on the throne.

Just some thoughts in 2008

I do not want to get into any political debates. I am thankful to live in a country where we are free to vote for what we believe is best, and today I did just that.But before I am an American, I belong to the Kingdom of God. And I am just very saddened by the way that a very well known Christian organization has chosen to use fear tactics in an attempt to sway people.

No matter who you are voting for, the "Letter from 2012 in an Obama America" does not reflect the spirit of Christ. And no matter who you are voting for, GOD IS IN CONTROL, and He has not given us a spirit of fear. I just find this letter divisive and sad, and it has absolutely nothing to do with who I do or do not want in the White House. It has more to do with the God I know, who is over all and in all, and who created and loves imperfect people, not democrats and republicans. There are lots of things that could "possibly" happen, no matter who is in office. In fact, there probably could be a letter(not even hypothetical) written, looking back from 2004, that includes some very horrible events. I can see how a non-Christian may be motivated in their voting by fear, but as children of God, we have been delivered from fear. I just think things like this are what turn people away from the Lord, not towards Him. And as Christians, isn't THAT our job? Not to slander our brothers or to tell people who to vote for or not vote for...but to point people to Christ. I just pray more than anything, that non-Christians will not view this letter as a true picture of who God is, or the kind of people He wants us to be. Jim Wallis wrote a good response

I am not endorsing a candidate here. That's not really the point. I just want people to remember that on November 5th...no matter what the outcome...God will still be on His throne. And I just don't see how something like this does anything to proclaim that.

So blue, red, or somewhere in between...praise God that HE holds the future in His hands.

just an update

I promise that I am going to post some pictures of my sweet boys soon...For some reason I am having trouble posting pictures here and on facebook...very frustrating.

But I just wanted to say that, yes, I am still here. I am still trying to make it through each day, and am very grateful to still be at home and not back in the hospital. I have very good days, and there are still some very bad days. I am not at all complaining, just hoping to clarify because I know it can get confusing. We did have a great breakthrough with the surgery that they were able to do during my last hospital stay; my doctor thinks its been one of the biggest breakthroughs we have had. But I am still dealing with the other issues that have been there this whole time. They have not gone away. Rather than being like a key and a lock, my health is more like a big puzzle, with several pieces. We have several of those pieces...some things have been treated, some require ongoing treatement, and some we just don't know how to treat so we learn how to manage instead. While they found the stones and removed those, and have done two surgeries to open up my bile ducts, I still deal with the pancreatitis, gastroparesis, abnormal liver function, and adhesions from all my scar tissue. My doctor has been very sure to remind me of this. He says that I am not cured, but stable. And we want to keep it that way as long as is possible. I still have to be very careful...with what I eat, with how much I exert myself...but I am also still trying to push myself. But I am also still praying every single day for complete and total healing. No matter what the Lord's answer, I am grateful for each good day that He gives me. On some days there might only be good moments...and I am grateful for those too.

Like I have said before, I know that God owes me absolutely nothing...and I have already been blessed beyond what I could imagine. He has carried us through so much, and has given us new eyes to see and a new peace with whatever our circumstances. I hope this doesn't sound negative...and I hope this doesn't discourage anyone...because prayers have been answered...we have been given more answers than we had before. And I am learning how to better manage my other ongoing health issues, so that I can have a better quality of life. Does this mean I will never be in the hospital again? I don't know...I hope so, but I don't know. But I have learned to be grateful for today...to rejoice in the moment and to delight in the small things. And that has made a huge difference in my life.

I am so thankful to be at home with my boys and to be doing more and more things that feel...normal. It has been good to see friends that I haven't see in so long...friends that have been such a great support for me and for my family. I can't say it enough that we would not be making it through all of this without the wonderful community of friends and family that surrounds us. We have been so blessed by the prayers of so many, and we continue to ask for prayers for healing and for peace with whatever God's will is as far as my health. Sometimes it feels selfish to continue to ask for prayers, when people have been praying for so long and when others around us that we love are also going through very hard things. But I know that is silly, because we serve a God who is big enough for all of it, and who longs for us to cry out to Him. So we will cry out. No matter what happens, we have grown closer as a family and closer to the God who gives us new life every day. We have new appreciation for the verse that tells us His mercies are new every morning. I just try to keep my eyes and heart open and then, even on the darkest of days, I can still see blessing and still feel His presence.

I'll leave you with another verse that I have known all my life; that has taken on a whole new personal meaning for me. While I can't say I have perfected this, I am getting better at being content, and relying on God for my strength to get through each day. After all, when I am weak, He is strong. And He is always faithful...no matter how hard the day is...it will come to an end...and I CAN get through it...because my strength doesn't depend on whether I am sick or well...

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.~Philippians 4:12-13